Trying to Follow DB & DR (3)

[Miman2]

The story thus far...(1)
Previously in TTF DB&DR (2)

Getting back to some good questions people raised before...

She was trying and it seemed you blocked her at every turn out of resentment for old texts that went unreturned?
But MWD wrote every action moves you closer to goal (which is what for you in next week?)or away, so perhaps an important consideration as you look your next encounter.

On the bright side, she stayed longer than it seems she had to and was pursuing you a bit, no?

I dunno what she was really doing. She kept asking why I never reached out. I was in LRT so I was I wasn't reaching out and she kept asking why. So I told her that I was trying to give her what she wanted and that when we first separated I was trying to reach out to her and she would ignore me so why would I reach out to her.

She seems interested in me reaching out to her more, but she also mentioned that she wants us to be friends. So while I would like to reach out to be able to spend more time with her I don't feel like she's committed to saving the relationship/marriage yet.

She said she would contact me this week about going to lunch or dinner on Monday but it's been radio silence so far. I'm hoping she does but no expectations. If we do get to go to dinner/lunch then I'd like it to be just a friendly, no talk about R/W, talking about day type meal.

Other than that I'm heading out of town for an on site interview. I haven't told her I'm heading out of town. I don't feel like I don't have any real obligation to tell her. Other than being "nice" and letting her come spend time with the cats.

She did seem to be in a little bit of pursuit. It was weird at one point when she was here last we were talking and smiling and laughing together about some prospect of a new job she's looking at. Felt just like before BD.

As Zelda just mentioned, all the emotions you are feeling, and keep in mind that we all have felt them, are valid. That being said...What are you doing to work on them? I mean honestly work on them.
In your recent interactions, I saw anger and resentment. Half the time it sounded like you were in a battle. How is that attractive? How does that move you forward? Did it work? Or is it a cheeseless tunnel?
Read Wonka's boundaries cheat sheet and apply it. What do you really want to save? What is part of the above battles? Where are YOUR non-negotiables? Pick the few that really are boundaries and stick with them.

I'm trying to work on things. I'm working through the Codependent no more workbook. I'm also looking to go to a CoDA group on Monday evening. I'm trying to branch out my GAL activities as well. I went to a community theater show today. Made me think about maybe trying out for a show or something.

Resentment did bubble up a bit. Friends who were supporting me at the beginning kept saying that things would be easier if I just had some answers from her and that keeps rattling around in my head. I know the answers don't change anything about how she's feeling, but I guess I keep thinking they would give me direction.

That's still part of my dilemma. I classify her as a WAW, but then occasionally resentment bubbles up and all of a sudden she's a WW. As a WW I thought the general advice was to cut off all support to her. So while I feel she has every right to necessities and I would love to support her the fact that she left and doesn't (yet) want to work on things still stings and leaves me clueless as what to really do.

There was a recommendation to me to check out Rosenberg's giraffe and jackal speech. I came here with jackal mindset and it is any time we are violent in our communication - over insistent and aggressive. No one wins with this.
Did you engage with your W this way?

Thanks, I'll add this to my reading list while I'm on my trip.
My job requires me to work this way. Its funny coworkers used to say they couldn't turn work off when they went home. I thought they were talking about the actual content of work, seems like I take home a work mentality. She would say (often) that I was condescending but I never understood why she would say that. She watches Benedict Cumberbatch do it as Sherlock and she loves it. But I suppose I'm in a spot where I'm just as lonely as he his because of this "have to be right" mentality.