You make it sound like the divorce is enevitable at this point and I just need to accept well be divorced and move on
That's not what I said. I was trying to tell you how it's seen from her point of view. She believes she is done with you & the M. She doesn't care that you don't want a D. She no longer cares what you want, how you feel, or what your conditions would be to stay in the M. All she cares about is being legally freed from the M.
If you tell her you won't live in an open M, after she's already filed for D.......she figures "who cares". I mean, if she hasn't asked what it would take to work things out, and she is already in process of divorcing you........how do you think that particular pronouncement is effective now? If she doesn't honor it, how will you respond?
I must have missed something. I was going through the thread quickly. I did not see where you stated a boundary to her. I saw where you seemed anxious to use the "speech", as you called it. What you need to understand is repeating the same thing or even stating boundaries does not fix the problem. Many guys think once they say something (like a boundary) it should have positive results. Sometimes it does, and sometimes she will test it to see what you'll do. A lot of WW's would tell you to hit the door if you don't like it. Know what I mean? It is just like dealing with a very rebellious teenager.
So anyway, what do you plan to do when she continues having an A while living with you? If you have actually said it, how will you back it up? The WW will respect one thing, and that's the man who won't be treated disrespectfully. That is why it is so important to show strength in what you say and how you act.
I am not trying to upset you, and I am not saying divorce is enevitable. It is going to be extremely difficult living with her b/c most WW's do not respect the H enough to honor his boundaries. In her opinion, talk is cheap. Therefore, you have to have a plan of action if your boundary is not honored. Don't misunderstand, I am a firm believer in having boundaries. I also believe they are useless if not enforced when disrespected.
She has lied, deceived, and cheated her way through the M. She has a H who loved her and wanted to give her the benefit of doubt when she continued to disrespect him. Unfortunately, she does not appreciate it.
Let me ask you something. Considering the woman she has become, are you sure this is what you want for the rest of your life?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
