Well I'm back on the DB wagon as I said (Round Two). The first round saw me make a lot of mistakes. I didn't stick to the things that worked, and I would always break down so-to-speak after days or weeks of doing well. I'd always seem to get back on her yo-yo. She'd draw me in with warmth- then slam me with cold distance. All the the while saying she wanted to work on things. As you know a week ago I broke my sobriety and made a scene at her house and she is back to saying she wants to divorce.
Day three of no contact. That part is easier this time. I don't even look for small-talk reasons to contact her. The issue now is more internal. I'm feeling very depressed and I have to keep moving. I had a little break down today as it was the first day that I haven't been extremely busy out of the house- and I've been way to mopey and lethargic. So I'm going to post here, post on some other people's threads, and go for a hike with my headphones on even if it's rainy.
My prayers lately consist much less of 'help me fix this' and much more of 'help me accept this'.
