-I pursue and need to pull back, stfu and stay dark. Throughout our relationship, the more I would pursue the more she would run. My anxiety built up and I would pursue more. This also feed into our sex life and if she was distant, I would assume as long as we're having sex everything is alright. Not the case for her. She built up resentment and felt used.
-I made her my sense of happiness and self esteem. Also why is probably pursued and got anxious if she was distant. This also made it harder not take take it personally if she did things with other people or by herself. I felt she didn't want to spend time with me and prob would make her feel guilty about it. Another pattern. This could have made her feel controlled or that she wasn't able to do anything for her.
-I'm a fixer. If something is wrong i address it, form a plan and immediately start working to make it better. She doesn't want to be fixed right now and doesn't feel she needs to be. Even if we work on us, there will be times where she just wants to be heard and validated. Not fixed.
-I need to revisit myself and build myself esteem back up, so I can be happy for me and be able to control my own anxiety.
-I need to stop mind reading and let her go/detach, while also not taking everything personally.
These are all realizations I understand have created in impact in the failure of our marriage and things I need to continue to address and work through in my own actions for me.
While she is physically in the same house as me,Moshe is emotionally gone and distant.mshe doesn't want me right now and is fulfilling those needs with third parties. Nothing I can do to change that right now.
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
