I thought everything was okay....(Part 5)

[MCS]

V,

Thank you and what you said in here is actually how I feel about the sitch right now. I still care for her and hate seeing her go through this, but until she wants to change its not going to get better. It's so painful, all of the people that care for her see it, but we're all helpless to do anything. I pray that she will see that if she gets help, she can be happy with herself. Whether in the future that includes me or not, I don't know. However, she's still a Mom and I hope for the kids she gets to that point.

I see now that this has went on for a while, but she didn't let me in to how she felt. She was in the dark, I was in the light. She 'played' along with being 'happy,' I'm guessing, because her secrets were too much, I don't know. But, she was struggling, didn't show it and I'm sure that it became really annoying that I was content. That's where the resentment came in of me.

Anyway, for me. I'm starting to 'feel' things that I 'heard' but didn't understand when I first came to the boards. I feel like I'm doing just fine and I'm at the point that I've accepted that 'maybe' our paths will cross back into R; but I'm actually okay (myself) if not. It took me coming to grips that I don't want her back unless she changes to get here.

So, it may change tomorrow; but I feel like I'm doing good, detached, under control, dare I say content? Okay, maybe not the last one

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So a little story for journalling. I was at a friend's church tonight for their son's first communion. I saw one of WW friends' there with her XH sitting next to each other. This is the couple that WW compared our M to during BD. I had responded at the time that I was confused because she had cheated on him and that's why they D. I guess that was WW's first slip about her A to me.

Anyway, this girl is re-married (with OM); but her and XH were sitting next to each other. OM was in the back of the church. Why? For their kids. It got me choked up a little because I guess I realize how much work it takes to get to that point and I wonder if WW and I ever will.

I guess there's another piece of acceptance; changing my thoughts from R and to how to be the best parents individually for our kids.