Control sited as to why an affair

[MCS]

Stuart,

I read your story and it is mine to a tee. No joke, down to how you reacted. My wife said I was 'controlling' also. That statement in itself made me a flopping fish for months, I didn't want to do anything that appeared that way. Until I started to stand up for myself is where I saw our sitch change. I started to get better and she started to get worse. I never thought I could get here, but now I'm at the point that I accepted that I can't save my W from her own decisions and I realize that all I can do is sit back and be the best I can be for me and the kids.

Listen to sandi. It took me MONTHS for her advice to start to sink in. Here's a couple things off the cuff that I mucked up at first.

-- You can't win her back....she's in an A....until that's done it's like being in purgatory, no progress at all in either direction

-- Being considerate and accommodating will only backfire because she will take advantage of you.

--Take a deep breath, exhale and then focus on your kid(s)

--I took what she said to heart, too much. If you think about it, do you think that they say to their friends "Stuart was an awesome, caring, considerate guy; but I just got sick of him and had an affair." Of course not, they need to justify their actions in their head and to do it; they need to make you the villain in their head

--If your sitch is like mine, you'll see that their other connections will start to erode, friends, family, etc. and replaced with people that agree with them (Surprise people that don't know you or your marriage. See point above)


Stuart, we all know how you feel right now, I would not wish this on anyone. You will get better, you'll feel better, the light will start to shine in. The thing about it is that it will happen because of YOU, not because of W, or being M to her or not being M to her. It will take time. Hang in there bud.