MY STORY IS UGLY BUT AT LEAST IM LEARNING

[Zues126]

No. You can't do anything to speed up the process. You can only derail it or slow it down. And the bad news is it's not a short road with steady progress and an assured outcome. It's a long, long path, with an outcome that is in doubt, and "progress" can't be measured because your WAW is on a roller coaster so unpredictable you'll never know if you're on the right path. At least not by watching her behavior.

Which is a big reason NOT to. That's the hard part- DBing is about "doing what works". But it's very hard to know what works when your WAW is in the fog. And trying to "steer" her towards the M will drive you insane, because you can't control her, and all you'll do is twine yourself with her crazy dance.

Instead you really have to let go. It's two people overboard in the ocean. You can't save her from drowning when you're still in the ocean yourself. Step one is to get in the boat yourself. This analogy isn't perfect as even once you're in the boat you can't "save" her, but then it still works in that you don't let her pull you back out!

Point is that you REALLY must let go. You have to. I know you don't want to. But she will do nothing but cause you pain and destroy your progress. Maybe you have to go through that for a few torturous months before you learn that lesson. The same way you have to rock bottom before letting go of an addiction. My challenge to you is to let go...IF YOU CAN'T LET GO OF HER WHEN IT'S BAD FOR YOU, HOW CAN YOU EXPECT HER TO LET GO OF OM WHEN (IF) IT'S BAD FOR HER??? Lead by example.

As for a "default state", what I mean is you have to take care of yourself so you feel ok when you're just alone with yourself. In the car. In line at the store. Whatever. If you have to be doing something, thinking hard about stuff, racing around, whatever...at least for me those were ways to avoid my emotions. Emotions that I didn't want to feel because they weren't very fun. That's a red flag, because it indicates that you might feel pretty bad. If so, it's only a matter of time before you backslide on your vices.

Because as I said, you can try to be a "good boy", but if you expect that to change how you feel you're wrong. It only gives you the opportunity to FEEL how you feel, so that you can CHANGE YOURSELF.

So the stopping of medication is great, it gives you a chance to see who you are. Now you can either replace that with racing and avoiding, which is just more medication...or you can sit with those bad feelings, learn where they come from, and start dealing with reality. It's not easy, but it's the only way you can meet life on life's terms and make permanent changes.

Keep posting and NEVER give up.

PS- I would recommend you read my old threads. We are on the same road.