Maybell XXXIV: Expecto Patronum!

[Maybell]

Oh Myyyyy!

Thanks for that, V. I'm feeling undesirable today. Good to know I've still got time.

[Zues126]

As for dating, I agree that there are no hard and fast rule. D3's godparents met two months after painful breakups and are one of the more mature and healthy couples I know, eight years in. Love and sex are full of interdicts and people will rationalize ways for you to avoid them, often referring to their own repression of desires (it was on display in the Great Dating Debate on my thread). I also believe that dating can be healing and not every date has to start with the intention of marrying -- in fact, they very rarely do. I can't wait to see what's in store for us.

Hey Mozza, I agree there are no hard rules for when to start dating. Just as there are no hard rules for how long to stand by a M. Personally the people that have advised waiting are my DB coach, IC, my L, and the authors of the books I've read. But I understand there are others that could debate that as well. And yes, there are anecdotes on both sides we could summon all day.

Bottom line, I'm not here to tell someone how long to stand by their M, I'm not here to tell anyone not to date. But neither do I want to be psychoanalyzed for wanting to wait until some time passes after my D before I consider another relationship. As this is a board for people to stand by and save their M, the idea of not dating while still legally married is one that has a lot of validity. I do see how someone could use these guidelines as an excuse to avoid leaving their comfort zone, or to resent their ex, or to repress, or any number of destructive things. The same way SOME of those that might jump into dating right away could be doing so out of revenge, to try to get over their ex, or to feel lovable again. Doesn't mean that applies to everyone.

My only point was that MB need not be worried that she hasn't solved what she wants out of her next H at a time I don't believe her D is final yet. If she decides she'd like to jump into that pool she doesn't need my permission.

[Georgiabelle]

I thought the same thing, Maybell. Perhaps I'll hit my stride in the assisted living home :-)

[Vanilla]

Gracious Maybell and Gbelle I have had two husbands since the age of 42.

Trust me there will be lovers in my future too. Plenty of naughty nookie to come when I am well and truly D though. I am no wayward.

You are just beginning your journey. And don't forget the guys you fancied at 20 and who fancied you at 30 are still there and 42.

V

[Maybell]

V I'd love to have drinks with you someday.

I'm not jumping in any pool. As I say, my plate is full. But I dated a TON when I was younger and though I was generally the dumper I never really laid out what was important to me. So I couldn't say what I was looking for in those days or why I was always so dissatisfied. I'd like to live this part of my life more intentionally.

[Vanilla]

MB I had the almost exact opposite. I really have never dated. I have only kissed 4 men (as in passion) and had an R with each. I married 3 of them and was engaged to the fourth.

H1 died or I suspect we would still be muskrats. H2 and I separated amicably and H3 is H3. Fiancé was a hoot and says he is still waiting. Bad timing there , he is still single too.

I shall be asking for dating tips. pS red wine and cheeeeese on the side, and your tipple MB?

V

[Maybell]

Don't ask me! It's been 19 years since I went on a date. Now I'm a minivan driving mom of three working as an admin. It's going to be a whole new world out there for me.

You must be one he!! Of a kisser to get all four of them to commit their lives to you.

I'm so sorry you lost your H1.

[Maybell]

Oh, I like red wine very much, good rich beers, and weather appropriate cocktails. But if anyone REALLY wants my attention he can serve me an excellent port.

[Vanilla]

Depends what you kiss,

I was thinking of frogs, not what glam sis caught mum and dad doing in the shower!

Less of this, really, going all unnecessary as my gran would say.
V

[Maybell]

D@mmit. I just checked the regular finances. Didn't even snoop. And wouldn't you know STBX took his "work dinner" to the city? So chumpy stupid me kept the kids on HIS weekend so he could bring his girlfriend to a city he never took me to.

Shall I confront?

I think I should. its a boundary issue.