As for dating, I agree that there are no hard and fast rule. D3's godparents met two months after painful breakups and are one of the more mature and healthy couples I know, eight years in. Love and sex are full of interdicts and people will rationalize ways for you to avoid them, often referring to their own repression of desires (it was on display in the Great Dating Debate on my thread). I also believe that dating can be healing and not every date has to start with the intention of marrying -- in fact, they very rarely do. I can't wait to see what's in store for us.
Hey Mozza, I agree there are no hard rules for when to start dating. Just as there are no hard rules for how long to stand by a M. Personally the people that have advised waiting are my DB coach, IC, my L, and the authors of the books I've read. But I understand there are others that could debate that as well. And yes, there are anecdotes on both sides we could summon all day.
Bottom line, I'm not here to tell someone how long to stand by their M, I'm not here to tell anyone not to date. But neither do I want to be psychoanalyzed for wanting to wait until some time passes after my D before I consider another relationship. As this is a board for people to stand by and save their M, the idea of not dating while still legally married is one that has a lot of validity. I do see how someone could use these guidelines as an excuse to avoid leaving their comfort zone, or to resent their ex, or to repress, or any number of destructive things. The same way SOME of those that might jump into dating right away could be doing so out of revenge, to try to get over their ex, or to feel lovable again. Doesn't mean that applies to everyone.
My only point was that MB need not be worried that she hasn't solved what she wants out of her next H at a time I don't believe her D is final yet. If she decides she'd like to jump into that pool she doesn't need my permission.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
