Complex #7 - the green(-card) mile

[Ontheup]

I know this is divorcing busting site but for me that doesn't mean I just sit patiently waiting for my wife to come back while she is out having the time of her life with OM. As it looks right now she is not interested in R and the way I feel at the moment im not interested either. Doesn't mean that wont change.
So im getting on with my own life which is at the end of the day what DB is.

I have no idea what the future holds. My wife may turn round in 2 years time and say lets work this out. Then again she may hand me divorce papers next week and get married to OM. Who knows??
What I do know is that i'll deal with issues as they come up and if that means I've been dating other women and then wife wants me back then I and she will have to deal with that.
What I wont do is put my life on hold any longer. Life is too short as it is.

[alpha99]

Bravo.

[Complex]

Amen.

Well. I decided yesterday not to go to the friends party bc I was really tired after work and couldn't handle going out again. Guess I'm getting old.

Today I was invited by W's mother. She also invitier W's brother. And of course W. A few mutual friends showed up to my surprise and we had a very pleasant lunch altogether. I drove there with W together too. This morning she was pleasant to me, I made her a compliment for her new dress which she seemed to appreciate. And god damn she looked great in it...
The whole lunch was very easy going. Good to be with everyone. It just seems very hard that I might lose all this, hm. I mean I don't have to. But it'll be a not so important part of my life one day. Or maybe it will, who knows.
I just enjoyed it and I'm not affected by this pleasant birthday lunch but every time these meetings and closer interactions I just see how this actually has a good chance to work. We just are a great match, period. W just doesn't see it right now. But oh well, not going to get hung up on this...it's no new knowledge anyway plus I still don't believe it's ever going to happen...

Thanks for listening.

[Starsky309]

Missed opportunity.


Starsky

[Ontheup]

Hey Starsky

Missed opportunity? which bit?

Hey complex it is sad to think you might not be part of those peoples lives anymore. I think the same thing. Since I moved out not one person from my wife's family have contacted me even though I was very close to them all.
Agree very much with what you say about getting on great with your wife as well which makes you scratch your head to wonder "why the hell are we splitting up"
Are you still in same house together?

[Complex]

Ontheup:
Starsky was referring to not going to the friends good bye party and doing what he suggested (leaving early etc)

Family...Ya it's a sad thing, most of them promised me to stay in touch with me. But as time passes on, so will they all. Life is long. But they will always have a special place in my heart. And so will W. She still is the most wonderful person is met so far in my life. That might change, and hopefully it will one day. But I didn't give her enough credit in the early DB stages. That cost me some credibility and sympathy early in my sitch. I've a much clearer view than ever. And most importantly I feel like I can forgive her. I almost feel like I already did. And myself.

But Ontheup, first of all I'm very sorry that W's family doesn't get in touch with you. That's very hurtful. But if I was you, I'd contact them. You never know what their reasons are. Maybe they are afraid, feel awkward, wait for you to talk to them first. I'd break the ice. Of course stick with the rules and don't talk bad about W etc.

Yea, we still life together. Separate rooms, I'm in my office on a fouton which I upgraded with an extra mattress topper. We still do each other's laundry (we don't fold it for each other), sometimes we watch tv together, talk, go to family events, encourage each other. But our lives are busy and our schedules different, so we don't see that often at all.

I loved what you said. "I'm scratching my head...Why are we actually breaking up????" That's a good one. Things got better, much better between us. But she doesn't feel love and attraction for me anymore. Plus she believes we come from different planet, have different life goals. There's truth in it, but not even close as much as she thinks.

Another thing: one of her best friends brother is getting a D. Young M too. It was weird how W told some people yesterday about it. My perception was she told people with the intention "Look guys, it happens all the time, even in our circle of friends,..so it's not the end of the world is it?". Maybe I'm overthinking this but it seems like a good validation from herself for her own plans.

[Complex]

No news on my front. Just wondering more and more why W wants aD so bad. Actually she didn't mention it in a while, but I'm sure she's on track.
Yesterday W asked me to go to her grandma for dinner spontaneously. I was hungry so I said yes, enthusiastically lol.
Her dad was there. Nice conversations. I like them, they like me, old story. Things are just like very friendly.
Really makes me scratch my head.

In the meantime I'm continuing with all my activities etc. Didn't go on a date again with OW, although it seems like she wants to. I just explained that my situation is not the best for anything close to serious.
This whole thing is not really of any concern right now. I think I need to focus a little more on myself again.

And I caught a virus and am in bed coughing and sneezing

That was my blogging for now.
Would be nice if anyone here experienced the same, that the friendly R with W went that way and what does this mean? Is this common? Don't want to get more hope but it's just weird to see and if she filed for D etc, it'd just be like "what a fool you are, but ok what am I gonna do?". If this decent behavior continues tho it might make things harder for me in the end, or I might get tempted to throw some more energy in saving my M...any thoughts?

[Ontheup]

Of course she wants to be your friend, its standard script. Makes them feel less guilty about what they have done. "look we're all friends it was for the best after all" BULLSH!T

With friends like that who needs enemies

hope your cold clears up.

[Complex]

This is right but I don't see the benefit in seeing them as 'enemies' or make them feel bad.
Soon enough she will find out that I am not going to be her friend.
Maybe I am too nice to her recently. I even offer her food when I cooked. I'm friendly. Maybe I should withdraw from her. For my own sake too.
But on the other hand if it is the way it is right now and one day we will separate physically and part ways she'll soon see what she'll miss.
Not sure how to approach this. Not sure if I even want to. Everything feels really foggy to me these days.

[Ontheup]

Hey Complex

Whilst you're together in same house moving on is very difficult. I was doing all the wrong things until i moved out.

Not saying be enemies. Its just standard stuff from WAW. When they see us as their friend it justifies them doing what they've done. "oh look i'm having an affair but its all ok because we're all friends, my hubby will get over it and move on and we'll all be happy"
They dont see and dont care that they have devastated you and /or family. They now have what they want and it was for right reasons, their happiness so its all ok. They expect you to just get over it and all be friends. Its just bullsh!t. I do not buy it one bit. Friends do not treat you like that. My friends dont anyway.