May your

[mustardseed]

Right od has inspired an update, but a different kind.

Today is almost a year of nc to very lc.

A year ago today I was throwing up crying most days and today was a really bad day for that. I was blaming me 100% for everything that exploded the m.

I was taking ads. If I missed one I was an emotional mess unable to function. I got mad when h ignored my text in an emgerency sitch. I ended the night bogged in a ditch pouring rain and unable to go home while s16 was home alone in a flood.

It was the mad angry moment where I got up literally from the mental ditch as well as getting out of the physical ditch. That single event, showed me even neighbours treated me with more repect and human dignity than my h. They didn't heap abuse on me for getting stuck, for an event of nature and of being unable to solve my issue without help.

It's the point at which we, s16 and me started doing those deal breaker things that h wouldnt allow. We started living and doing what we wanted another dog, why hell yes.

We got 2. Want to save the poor lambie and feed him with a bottle why not. Want to go out with mates, sure that's ok. Want purple hair why not? Want short hair, then ok.
Wear make up hell yeah!

Now tonight I went out and payed for dinner for those who have done small favours for me for things I just don't have the skills to do. These folks give without the expectation of being returned money or some other expectation. most have helped me in some big way to me but a small way to them.

This year life is happier s17 isn't living here, but he is old enough to to be out (with his welfare dad) living his choices.

Recently my Disires have come back. I was very much into the ml side of all r. The fact as nilla said the worse the abuse got the lower my disire got. To the point it has been gone for a year. I have been trying to get back Into the dating scene with little success.

Things are looking up, tho one of my mates handed me a number of a bloke to meet.
Althought he doesn't tick the have a life and job box.
Haven't met him yet, so am hesitating. So dating is time, to meet the right person.

The separation + I have more $, less stress, less pressure to do "duty" type obligations.
I have lost weight. I have a better outlook due to less pressure. Often I'm told I'm too up too happy. I truely feel light. I had a wart for 4 years and it healed when I made the decisions to real start to do what needs to be done to end the r legally. Well settlement.
My strange liver pains have gone as well. My sleep is still a bit all over at times, but that's often down to me being s night owl. I do sleep better than with h, he often seemed to be disturbed and it rubbed off on me.

I hope this give those of you at the start hope, of where you can be in a year from now.
Keep looking forward, get mad get angry but use it to propel you forward not for revenge.
It's to let you know where you need to do work and where change needs to occur.

So happy year 2 in gg world.

This is inspiring and good to hear. I'm ready to get to the other side of this mess.