The end

[mustardseed]

My goal is to enjoy my weekend and get my work done. Of course I had a restless night's sleep and woke up with anxiety. I am going to be out most of the day tomorrow because of my plans, which means everything needs to get done today. I am getting observed on Tuesday and I know that I don't have the class running the way she wants to see it. I am debating trying to make it work the way she wants, or just do what I have been doing and accept that it isn't her vision. It is just so hard to implement her vision when I have 5 other adults to communicate with, and no spare minute to do it. This was something she acknowledged when we met last week. There is no time to collaborate with my staff.

I am so done with this job. On top of it all, we are in a bitter contract negotiation. The board is really pushing legal limits to try and undermine the teachers' rights. As a result we are supposed to be honoring contract hours. When they said this I panicked. There is no way in hell I will be able to get things done if I can't come in earlier and stay later. Luckily my mentor spoke up about non-tenured teachers. There are 3 of us in the building, but I am apparently the only one with major issues with this--because of the nature of my class and the fact that this is a brand new program for the school. I am also the only first year teacher. The rep told me that I can continue doing what I need to do. That was a relief. Although if I was told otherwise that probably would have helped me make the decision to just give up.

Yesterday I stayed late to try and get as much prepped for next week as possible. D stayed at school with OW daughter and OW offered her a ride home. I decided to pick her up and bring her back to work with me. D said that she liked coming with me and wants to do it every day. That solves OW problem. I'll just leave work at my regular time, pick her up, and bring her back with me. No more need to involve OW. Maybe that will help with my anxiety. Before this job I always came home right around the time the kids let out. Now I can't do that and still be prepared for the next day. I think that is part of why this anxiety has gotten so out of control. H has his after school obligations and in the past he didn't really have to worry so much about getting the kids home because I was always there within 15 minutes of dismissal. They could walk, or I could pick them up if they stuck around a bit. S likes to stick around and do his hw with his friends in the library. D changes her mind, but hanging out with Ow's D has been her recent trend.

Now that it is falling on him, he is relying on people who have no business being involved. This, again, is lack of communication. Both of us are guilty of it. Right now I can't stand the sight of him, and I know any conversation will turn ugly. I am having a hard time controlling getting in some digs. I'm working on it, though. Haven't said a word to him all morning (it's only 8:30 God help me). But I think an established routine will help me stomach staying late to get work done without neglecting my family and without giving OW the chance to step in where she isn't wanted.