Newly separated

[Di-mond]

Real Me

Thank you for the advice. I think NC is going to be pretty easy for me. He just never answered me back on anything, so.....I just stopped all together.
I do hope to get some kind of answer on some paperwork, and his things.
After that, we have no reason to communicate at all until the divorce papers are filed and even then we don't have to communicate.
I'm going on with my life as if he is not in it, because he is not in it. I know it's been less than a month, but I really wonder if I want this man in my life period.
Sometimes I get angry about all the callous things he has done, but anger is such a wasted emotion. I have to concentrate on my health, anger just stresses me out and makes my symptoms worse. I am just sad sometimes that he was just not willing to work on our marriage.
Not giving up yet, but thinking about it. I have to find my own path now.
Concentrate on my health and my future career plans. I don't want to nor do I think I can physically go back to my job. That will be a huge change for me. I have been there for 17 years. A lot of my self identification has hinged on my well paying job and financial security, but money isn't everything and change is always good, even if we can't see it at the beginning.

[Di-mond]

Bob,

Thank you for the support. It does help tremendously to know that I'm not alone in my struggles!

[skhdive]

I think you have the right idea about if you really want him in your life now. My thought is if he wants to come back he will, but if he does it has to be on both of our terms. It also has to be his idea to want to come back. I am not about convincing him to come back. If they want to come back I think we have more of a chance of the M working out.

[Di-mond]

Ok so he replied to my e-mail and wants to come get his stuff this weekend. I won't be home and really don't want him there when I'm not there.
What should I do?

[pilot]

well if it is still his home legally then there is nothing you can really do. Is there a particular reason you do not want him there without you?

[Bob723]

Bob,

Thank you for the support. It does help tremendously to know that I'm not alone in my struggles!

Hi Diana,

You're welcome, I love helping others. It brings me joy. You are not alone in your struggles -- we on this forum are like one giant family.

As I think you know, my WAW has MS and other medical issues. The main thing I did wrong in her eyes is become "smothering." Looking back, I can see how it came across like that to her. (I've probably written this several times in my thread.)

What song do I hear on the radio coming home from work tonight? Wild Horses by the Rolling Stones.

This verse really hits home for me:

"I watched you suffer a dull aching pain
Now you've decided to show me the same
No sweeping exit or offstage lines
Could make me feel bitter or treat you unkind
Wild horses couldn't drag me away"

I bring this up because I still love my wife very much and I have some bad days but I'm getting stronger little by little. Somehow, we will all make it through these rough times including you! Whether our M is saved or not, we will become better people. Keep working on yourself to be the "Best Diana" you can be. You can do this!

Bob

[Di-mond]

Pilot

Legally the home is mine and was mine long before we were married.
I just want to make sure he doesn't load up anything that isn't his. He came with very little into this house and he should leave the same.
Also, this is the only interaction we will get and as much as it frightens me I have to show him that I'm ok and that I can and will go on without him!

[Di-mond]

Bob,

I wish my husband would have even cared just a little bit when I was diagnosed with my illness. I have an auto-immune disease called Scleroderma. It can be life threatening if not managed properly. He made it to one of my specialist appointments and yelled at me all the way there telling me I was needy.
Some days I wonder why I even love this man. I deserved better than that.
Sigh!
I'm doing my motorcycle course tomorrow and hope I can keep him out of my head long enough for that.

[pilot]

I gotcha Diana. Just make sure your are being truthful to yourself that you are concerned about his taking things which he may not be entitled to vs your desire to see him and show him your progress. I dont mean to doubt you but I know how strong the desire can be to want to have some interaction with our spouses. Ask yourself will your presence at the home help or hurt your ultimate goal. Is there a risk for conflict? A risk of coming across as pursuing? Again, by all means protect your property. Heck, even have a friend over at the time if necessary.

Good luck!

[Bob723]

Bob,

I wish my husband would have even cared just a little bit when I was diagnosed with my illness. I have an auto-immune disease called Scleroderma. It can be life threatening if not managed properly. He made it to one of my specialist appointments and yelled at me all the way there telling me I was needy.
Some days I wonder why I even love this man. I deserved better than that.
Sigh!
I'm doing my motorcycle course tomorrow and hope I can keep him out of my head long enough for that.

Diana,

You certainly deserved way better than that!! I never acted that way with my wife, she thought I became over-protective. So she leaves me without even a chance at counseling, etc. Go figure.

I know what Scleroderma is. At one point, after my W was diagnosed with MS, a doctor thought she might have that, too. I will keep praying for you. You are in a tough spot, but you will get through this!

Enjoy the motorcycle course tomorrow and let us know how it goes, okay??

Sending a (((((Diana)))) (hug) your way.

Regards,

Bob