hold on! - 9

[u-turn]

What would it take to stop judging yourself? Where does it come from? When did you first notice it?

I think I have always judged myself. It has always been important to me to impress people with my work and hard work and tireless quantity of work. I have dialed that way back to what I consider near normal people levels, but sometimes I feel guilty that I don't do enough. Weird - huh? My first notice of this was a need to impress my parents (even though they were really not asking for it). I had to be independent and successful.

I was quite the failure to my parents when girlfriend and I, now W had an unexpected pregnancy before marriage. Quite the shocker - shook up their perfect world - oh the shame. We weren't kids, but weren't really ready for that either.

W & I survived and thrived, but I spent my 20s trying to prove my value.

It is interesting how much you can envision how I am in a room - people like talking to me about themselves - I usually throw in the (well thought out) question to further their story. When asked about myself or what I am up to, I tend to do the "oh you know - same old-same old" and on with their story.

I am reserved - which in many people minds, I mindread, that I am boring. I don't think that I am boring - I just don't share a lot.

Maybe I am just English

and now it seems that is how I am acting with W - just not sharing a lot.

These last few posts are the most I have talked about myself without really talking about my situation (which currently is just stagnant).

IC went well - I guess. It seems like we are talking about the same topics as I am here. I don't really see where the IC is going as I don't really have any strategies yet.

Thanks V!!