I Want You

[rob123]

Everything went very well last night. My W, whose allergies have been acting up, was very tired, but she stayed up and we watched some baseball in the bed together. She snuggled up with me. We held hands, hugged and even kissed a bit. We stayed up and talk about nothing in particular after I turned the TV off. It seems like things are moving in a positive direction.

I have really used the time since the BD (well, minus the first week or so) to focus on myself. Make myself the best partner that I can. Take a step back and realize that life can be enjoyable if we allow it. I have really focused on resolving the resentment I had fostered towards my W over the past 2 or so years. I have done much self-reflection and am now actively reducing how I deal with those feelings. I do know that it would be easy to throw away everything I have learned up until now and say, well, I can simply do this every now and again and my M will be OK.

However, I will not do this. It will be something I must do each and every day. If my W does not help with the dishes tonight, it is not the end of the world. Even if she does not help with the dishes the next month, it is not the end of the world. I can either ask her nicely to help (without insinuating anything or sound put out) or I can simply do them myself and realize that she is doing other things.

Life is all about how we approach situations and how we react to those situations. Using a previous example I typed out in my thread, if someone says Hi to us, we have the opportunity to determine how the interaction goes. We can be cordial. We can hug them. We can curse them. We can do whatever we want to. That is the beauty of DBing in my book. Time has been given to each and every one of us to improve ourselves. Even in the most dire situations and circumstances, we get the chance to work on ourselves.

I quit dipping tobacco about 5 years ago (prior to my S being born) and have not one day since regretted that decision. A couple of lessons/saying I still use from my experience doing that is 'the only person in control of you is you. Likewise, you cannot control anyone else.' 'This is a journey that never ends. Each and everyday you have the opportunity to make the decisions that you want to make.'

Each interaction I have with my W (and children and others), I have the opportunity to make 'good' decisions or make 'bad' decisions.

I'm heading to my parents this afternoon and look forward to a good trip visiting with them and seeing old friends at the carnival.