The guilt a WAS feels, IF ANY, almost always converts into resentment of the person "causing" the guilt. No spouse returns and stays in a marriage, because of shame. And it's certainly not likely to spur any romantic feelings.
The "cause" of the guilt is the infidelity. NOT the reaction to infidelity. A betrayed spouse could do absolutely nothing. Behave completely stoic and the wayward spouse would FEEL ashamed.
People that behave badly SHOULD feel ashamed.
My wife came back to me in shame. She still feels guilt to this day and overwhelmed by what she put me through and yet I remained. I didn't "shame her" back and I never held her betrayal over her head. But I did fight the affair and I did do a non-vindictive exposure to a small group of friends and family. Like Starsky I merely asked for prayerful support for her, myself and our children.
ANDDDDDDD ~ we are romantically in love with each other and recovered over a decade.
I know you said "almost always" but I know plenty of other exceptions to this rule in my real life besides just us.
Other instances where short term shame and guilt helps motivate struggling lost "wayward" type persons would be any kind of intervention for drugs and alcohol. Nobody would tell those families NOT to intervene because the target addict will most certainly come to resent them for trying to shame and guilt them into treatment.
Besides, IMO, IF a wayward spouse's shame converts into resentment against the spouse they completely devastated instead of bringing her to repentance they PROBABLY aren't worth reconciling with in the first place. Some people are just shameless.
Add ~ it is possible to have righteous anger AND reflect and grow. The posters wife just filed for divorce and you want him to reflect on his role in her banging another man
Add ~ good job aNewGuy not going on that date. You are married until you are not married. Just because your wife thinks spouses and vows are disposable doesn't mean you have to or should agree. Your vows included "in good times and bad, sickness and health". At least one parent needs to model to your children that they will stick to their commitment until such time as they are released from that commitment by a court of law. Adultery is adultery.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
