Something my counselor told me about hate(even thought its mind reading and you don't know how she feels), but hate isn't always a bad thing. It still shows emotion, still shows there's feelings in there(not that that means much either).
People associate hate as the opposite to love when its not, its indifference that's the opposite. Just something I thought about as I was reading your post and figured I would share.
Hope the situation with mediation and your kids custody work out the best for everyone involved. The kids need you just as much her and it would be an injustice to them to have it any other way. Hopefully she can see that also.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
