I want you to hold onto these thoughts. You will not always feel as you do now. One day, you will feel peace and joy. I know that feels a long way off, but, it will happen.
Mighty, all of the emotions we feel going through this help to propel us forward, if we let them.
The anger, the sadness and disbelief..all of them. It is when we hold onto any one that we stay stuck. We dont want to live in them.
It is important to try to remember, when you are able, that the years you spent with him are real. They matter.
Who he is now is not the man you loved for so long. It is sad, really, who they become. But I always tried to think, when I could, about how that must be for them. I could not imagine becoming someone totally different than who I was and act in a way completely different than what I once believed was right.
So, I get the anger for you right now. It keeps the emotions from completely getting through.
But there will be a day when you are good and strong, where you could remember those days with love. It's important to do that for a few reasons. If you dont, you become bitter and angry. If you dont, then you dont honor the marriage as it was. If you dont, you become someone you dont really want to be.
You arent there yet, but, I know you will be one day.
I have placed my marriage and its memories safely in a box and stored in lovingly on a shelf.
I have, after much time and a lot of work, learned to forgive my xh. I have separated all that he did from the person he once was.
I am not going to lie, I still can get a bit angry from time to time when I continue to struggle financially from his actions, but, it is fleeting now.
I wish you peace one day, M, because you deserve it. I wish you strength because you are capable of so much of it. I wish for you to realize just how magnificent you are.
But mostly, I wish that you see yourself as we do. Someone filled with such heart and love and compassion. Someone who is ok after such enormous pain and heartache.
Keep moving forward, M. The world awaits...lucky world.
