25, Curious. How is unfriending on FB punitive? As I see it, it's giving space and removing a vehicle that more times than not emotionally harms us LBS. Unfriending her is an affirmative act, as opposed to simply ignoring her, which would achieve the stated goal of giving her space.
Plus it's not detachment. Detaching would mean he just stopped looking at HER Page and thus, un friending her would be unnecessary.
I did it so as not to focus on XW and I'm not friends with her. We are being fired as spouse's. I agree if someone is just attempting to make a righteous "grand statement" about it. Especially as the WAS doesn't care about us. How does it "hurt" them?
Just questions that popped up to me.
Fair enough.
But I'm not saying she will be hurt, but one would hope so since ONE obvious goal is to get a reaction from her. (In addition to that, might be the belief that she'll feel pushed away from him and thus "not his friend" which might hurt her feelings. But that pain would likely convert quickly, into resentment.
See, the concept that her pain (whether she feels insulted or hurt) will lead to guilt and a change of heart, is very mistaken.
The guilt a WAS feels, IF ANY, almost always converts into resentment of the person "causing" the guilt. No spouse returns and stays in a marriage, because of shame. And it's certainly not likely to spur any romantic feelings.
Those are just some of the reasons MWD and Div Busting oppose the idea of exposing an affair to other 3rd parties.
Furthermore, I'm simply thinking she'll see it as a maneuver on his part, and or an example of more of his "Whatever it is"---
"oh there he goes, acting controlling/angry/judgmental/childish/suspicious" or whatever other term she'd use, to help her justify leaving.
The real goal of DBing at this stage (not later, when this won't matter nearly as much) is to get the WAS to second guess their choice to leave. How do we do that?
We want to counter their negative images (the ones they used to rationalize leaving a marriage in the first place) with positives.
We want them to believe that their data about us is not valid or is based on faulty (or outdated, b/c we have changed or are changing) data.
Thus, if the LBSer is late often and the WAS complained of it, then the lbs er becomes VERY punctual and starts arriving early for events...
it's ^^ a small fairly painless example but I think it makes the point.
Another would be if the complaint is that "he never helps with the kids/house"
then becoming more involved in both, overtly but authentically, would make sense.
Does that help clarify my position?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
