I will heed the advice of those who are smarter than I am in these matters, and not do anything for Mothers Day. I will feel guilty, but want to do what's best for my sitch.
Right now, neither one of us is communicating with the other, and we have no kids together. I am assuming that detachment in this case consists of ignoring and not initiating conversation.
If by some miracle she contacts me, I will respond in a detached, yet cordial, manner.
Me M51 WW F46 T 17 yrs M 16 yrs 9 children D29 D27 D26 S24 S24 S19 S19 niece18 S17 8 grandchildren ILYBINILWY: 12/15/14 I discover PA 12/31/14 She files D: 1/9/15 She moves out 3/2/15 D papers served 3/18/15
Why do you feel guilty? It's Mothers' Day. You have no kids together, her kids are grown-ups who can prepare gifts, she left you, she has a new boyfriend and she doesn't want you to pursue. She does not want your gift, or involvement, and will not be pleased by it. It seems a very clear case to me. Is it really guilt that you're feeling or something else?
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Perhaps guilt is the wrong word. I will feel sad. I was always thoughtful with gifts and always made an emotional connection. I'd like to think that she would be touched by my thoughtfulness, but the reality is that I have been replaced. That really saddens me.
Me M51 WW F46 T 17 yrs M 16 yrs 9 children D29 D27 D26 S24 S24 S19 S19 niece18 S17 8 grandchildren ILYBINILWY: 12/15/14 I discover PA 12/31/14 She files D: 1/9/15 She moves out 3/2/15 D papers served 3/18/15
Yes, you have every reason to be sad (I'm going through the same thing), especially given how you would establish a connection with thoughtful gifts. Guilt implies that you're doing something wrong, which you're not. You're doing the right thing: the gift she wants from you is space and you're respecting it. The gift to yourself is pride and self-worth.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
I just received a text from my wife. "Hi, how are you doing?"
This is the first I have heard anything for 2 weeks. Any thoughts on how to respond?
Me M51 WW F46 T 17 yrs M 16 yrs 9 children D29 D27 D26 S24 S24 S19 S19 niece18 S17 8 grandchildren ILYBINILWY: 12/15/14 I discover PA 12/31/14 She files D: 1/9/15 She moves out 3/2/15 D papers served 3/18/15
I responded "Great! How about you?" She said "I'm sure you are", and then proceeded to ask a bunch of questions (legitimate) regarding our finances and bills. I gave her the information needed and that's that.
Me M51 WW F46 T 17 yrs M 16 yrs 9 children D29 D27 D26 S24 S24 S19 S19 niece18 S17 8 grandchildren ILYBINILWY: 12/15/14 I discover PA 12/31/14 She files D: 1/9/15 She moves out 3/2/15 D papers served 3/18/15
Just heard from my lawyer that W has not responded and has not retained counsel yet. I guess we're in a holding pattern. I know that I have 60 days from date of my response to provide financial disclosures, but don't know what happens if she doesn't provide her financials. All I know is that I'm not going to hurry the process. I will protect myself, but honestly don't care if divorce process takes years.
I will continue to work on myself and continue detaching. I am not holding my breath, but am still hopeful that she has an epiphany.
Regardless of how it turns out, I will be a better person for my next relationship, whether that be with her or someone else.
Me M51 WW F46 T 17 yrs M 16 yrs 9 children D29 D27 D26 S24 S24 S19 S19 niece18 S17 8 grandchildren ILYBINILWY: 12/15/14 I discover PA 12/31/14 She files D: 1/9/15 She moves out 3/2/15 D papers served 3/18/15
