Is it really to late? Who knows....

[lost18]

Actually I think I'm hoping to find nothing, because then I think there is more hope for saving this M, or if there is more than one woman he is talking to less chance he is "serious" when any of them. I know I'm twisted.

As far as contacting the OW this is something I've gone back and forth with many, many times. I think there are a few reasons I haven't, the big one is she could tell H and that wouldn't help me right now. Part of it is I don't want to know details. Also, if I chose to contact her in someways I would have expectations and it would be about controlling the situation. (ie. assuming she doesn't know he's married or living at home...if she found out she would end it).

As far as asking the harder questions it isn't anything about his A. I know he had at the very least and EA, probably at least a short lived PA (unconfirmed and denied, but I doubt people communicate for months with provocative pictures and spend 3-4 days together without having a PA). Again, I can forgive him for that as I understand it is a symptom not the problem. Not saying it would be easy to work thru if he decides to reconcile but that I am willing to try.

The reason I'm not asking the harder questions is because I feel like I've seen some progress, but it doesn't mean that he has changed his mind or has any confusion about what he wants or any intention of ever reconciling. So...if I ask the hard questions and his answer is "nothing has changed, I want a D" at that point I feel like I would have to force the issue of telling the kids and him moving out and moving down a path I don't want. Not knowing I can be ok continuing in this limbo (for now).

On another note, I'm totally mind reading, feeling like he's been a little more distant than usual. Of course I have my assumptions as to why but I'm trying not to let it affect me because I could be wrong. DETACH DETACH DETACH...wish it was easier.