Stop engaging your H. It's his game. You think you're getting something out of sharing your thoughts, but you're losing much more. You're giving him a hold on you. You're telling him what you care about, where he can hurt you. You secretly want him to validate your version. He will never do that. Every time you give him a line, you feed the beast. He's like an online troll. No, you're not sharing without a care for his response. You care very much and that's where he gets you. Try silence for a while. Try ignoring all of it. See how YOU take control back of the conversation. He will push your buttons, he's an artist at it. He says you want this D? Silence. He says you never loved him? Silence. He says you're badmouthing him to his friends? Silence. He wants to sleep around? Silence. Think of every scenario, every button he could push to prepare to respond with silence. Only business. Don't even tell him that you'll be stronger, etc. You've stated all of this already and now you're just hurting yourself by giving him a handle on you.
You're moving on and I see much more strength in you in the last few weeks. In fact, I really like the part where you say you no longer desire him. This is your future. Believe me, the desire we men feel for a WW in an A is just unbearable - we are wired to be very territorial, more so than women. Yet, I'm over it now and my desire is shifting to other women. Yours will too. Look at this cute cable guy (I admire his gall!) or the porn star. A man will sweep you off your feet. Maybe a fling. Maybe something serious right away. But your H will very soon be a memory and you will really not care what he does or thinks.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
