I had to think of my wife as a drug addict. They lie, cheat, steal and alienate their families to keep feeding the addiction to their drug of choice. In this case, that drug is the OM. Would you abandon your wife if she was suffering from a substance abuse problem? Probably not- this is the same. The same reward centers in the brain that cause drug addictions are stimulated during an affair, so it's no wonder the behaviors are the same.
Some addicts are mentally strong enough to extricate themselves from their addiction - for others, they must crash and burn first. I was lucky, eventually my wife pulled herself out of the A to work on our M. For many on this board, they must wait for the A to die a natural death before their spouse crawls back. I will say that once your spouse decides to join you in a M recovery plan, the person you remember will come back- I promise you that.
