All I Wanna Do Is..Get A Little Closer #12

[Georgiabelle]

Thanks so much Raliced (my nickname was The Walking Encyclipedia too), Shining (you sound great!), Mighty (I'm always amazed by your strength) and Job (you need your own advice column-Dear Job:). You are all correct and make good points. I do think I need a change and opportunities to work at home, with great benefits and more $ don't come around every day. I think the universe is talking to me. Just waiting to see when they want to proceed. I appreciate your thoughts.

XMIL was released from hospital yesterday. She is doing much much better and I'm thrilled about that. She was upset that x Mr. GB only sent one text to her during her 3 week stay. He said "he was very healthy." I told her that I was sorry but let's focus on her recovery because she can't really do anything about him.

X Mr. GB still reaches out with funnies or pics to me, and the one time I sent him something, he didn't respond. Must be that pursuit land distance thang :-). I don't know- maybe he really was that unhappy with me. It doesn't matter now, how giver he got fired from every job when we were M'd and he seems to be the star a this company. I guess that's good for him. I don't know. Sometimes it makes me feel like a huge failure.

Speaking of failure, I had a slip up and had sex with HG last weekend. I always feel like I'm the poster child on this board for things not to do. With him, it is just very....primal. I don't feel particularly anything and I can't look at him. It's almost like an out of body experience and not in a good or bad way. Just like I watched someone else. So, I removed his # from my phone because it sort of feels like I must be pathetic and desperate to do all kinds of salacious things (and I did things with him that I've never done before and he knows it) with someone who openly tells you he wants to have sex with your friend. Of course, I told him maybe the next guy would want to have sex with me and he said "next guy?" It doesn't matter. I'm acting in a way I haven't before and I don't believe it's a good thing. I feel I will look back at some point and wonder exactly what I was doing.

Just me and the boys this weekend. D10 went out of town with a friend. I'm not sure where I'm at. I miss having someone to share with but I don't have the strength to deal with a bunch of caca.

I'm rocking my super cute Charles David wedges today. I read religiously but don't post to others much because I'm not sure I'm someone to take advice from right now.

Positive energy to all:-)