Well, I suspect this is a topic that I may brood on and come back to over time. My mother was a SAHM who went back to work intermittently from the time I was 8. I don’t remember there ever being a power dynamic related to money in the house. Mom actually made most of the decisions although I felt her and Dad consulted about major things. She went through sort of a midlife waffle about the time she went to work. Partially I think they were worried they weren’t contributing enough to retirement and because they had their kids so spread out, she had already been a SAHM for almost 20 years at that point and she was ready for something different.
And that is probably one of the primary differences between me and my siblings. My brother is 16 years older, my older sister is 14 years older and my other sister is 6 years older. Although we had the same parents – they grew up in a very different family and had different childhoods than I did. I always felt loved and cared for, but at that point, I think they were kind of over the parenting thing. When my brothers and sisters were young, there was lots of family time, camping trips, and hanging around with cousins their age (I was also the youngest grandchild in both sets of families by a mile). When I was born we moved away from the extended family for my Dad’s work and they were just at a different phase of life. I was a voracious reader from the age of three and I just ended up being left to my own devices a lot. And my parents, particularly my mother related to me in a different way somehow. I guess I was always kind of an old soul and she talked to me about her worries and concerns in a more adult way than she did with my siblings. Also, they went to public schools while I went to a small private Lutheran school (the public schools wouldn’t admit me to kindergarten early and Mom thought I was more than ready to go). I was never picked on or bullied and I always had friends, but I was also a bit isolated because of that reading habit and was called the “Walking Encyclopedia”. I guess this all sort of added up to my expecting and being comfortable with charting my own course. I think my brother and sisters somehow had clearer expectations set for them.
My oldest sister went to West Point, where she met BIL. He stayed in, she left after her 5 year commitment, got a masters in history and then became a SAHM. He is a hyper overachiever – graduated first in his class, Rhodes Scholar, Harvard Law graduate and is now a general. Their marriage has been a highly successful one and I have no reason to believe she hasn’t been happy. I love him to death – but I’ve always looked at him and known I couldn’t be married to someone like that. He is literally exhausting at times – one of those people who excels with only 3 or 4 hours of sleep at night and his waking hours are all productive. He would be the first to tell you that they are a team and he could not have accomplished all of this without my sister and their kids.
My other sister has a PhD in Microbiology and chose to become a SAHM after the birth of her second child. She has seemed to turn her passion and focus to her children’s lives and making a beautiful home. She’s not completely a helicopter parent, but she’s in the zone. Her husband is a responsible, diligent man who has gotten to where he is at by hard work and very long hours.
For me, I need the intellectual engagement of work. I am very, very good at coming into a disastrous situation, and getting it completely untangled and running effectively. When things start running smoothly and merely need to be maintained, I get antsy and move on. I was and am ok working while my kids are young – oddly I would have much preferred to not work when they are teenagers, which doesn't really seem like a possibility any more.
I don’t think I have any issues with the power=money thing, although I freely admit I've enjoyed having my own means. I was ok with STBX not earning a lot (the small town police force he started working for paid a pittance), but in full honesty it did hurt a bit when he would turn down opportunities and was pretty lackadaisical about looking for another agency that paid better. And – I have to be fair- I never stated this to him, because he was so clearly happy in that particular job and it made me feel like I was being materialistic- after all we had a roof over our head and food on the table. I guess somehow, I’ve never thought someone should have to help “make a better life” for me – so I never expected it or looked for it. Sometimes it seems like it would be pretty nice in a marriage.
Oh - and about the Past Life Regression- I can honestly say I've never given it much thought. While naturally someone with a strong skeptical streak, I have always believed that there are things in this world that we cannot understand or explain.
