Part 18 - Creeping onward

[edz]

Thanks all.

Hi Rd, yes as you say very much actions. Funny enough w and I got into a talk on that (she was saying how actions carry more weight talking about her and MIL) we said its very much least is intention middle is talking most is action and ultimately consistant action (remind anyone of anything we follow here?)

My post was a very condensed version as we spoke in vignettes in the day and for 2 hours or so solid in the evening and obviously we'd spent nearly 10 hours together as the three of us on Monday so she saw my behaviours with s, with her and just being me. Absolutely right though I'm not getting into waffly talks or promises just talking.

Definitely not counting on anything though and although anyone can correct me if Im reading it wrong but we're a way away from piecing yet as w hasnt committed to coming back only to not ruling it out, at least in what she's saying even if her actions (IMHO) lean more toward that being the case.

Indeed s stayed last night and I had a bit of a mad dash to get him up, fed, teeth brushed, ready and to the dentist (which is 1/4 mile from the flat but ~2 miles from here in rush hour traffic). Got there about 2 mins late this morning and met up with w, couldnt stay as I had to get back to start work. I got back home and was just getting online when my phone rang and w said "dentist is off sick" which prompted some humour!

Anyway w and s were going to costa but came over to me instead. Rearranged my diary and s had 45 minutes on lego game while I made w some breakfast and coffee. We had a nice chat, not r today just what she watched on TV while I had s last night (Game of Thrones included), what s's been up to and day to day bits, it was nice sitting at the table in the sunny kitchen (I love the light in this place in the morning). Also gave her information I picked up after a discussion we had the other day, low / no impact workout programmes for dealing with chronic back conditions run at the leisure centre so she can take a look into it.

Anyhoo w and s headed off now for ice skating, she's not too well right now and nervous about a hospital appointment tomorrow (wont go into it but she may be knocked a bit by it, connected to her back) s being dropped off here tomorrow to work through some maths while she goes (friend is taking her, I had offered but she'd rather I looked after s) w may then be coming here if she's a little under the weather afterwards but didnt confirm yet said no problem its entirely up to her, I'll look after s.

So yes, ticking along, keeping the expectations damped down but the hope is bright right now without making me distracted or driving me mad. Mr Fixit still grumbles and wants to "do" things, wants to build her a music server for the flat etc but I help out with things I'd do for a neighbour or for s or because its a nice thing to share.

I get the impression she's torn at the moment between having time alone then wondering what on earth to do with it (her words) and ending up doing not much bar TV and candy crush or moving on with us which creates a set of challenges such as her relationship with her mum.

Ultimately I'm here, I *am* getting on but I'm standing for the marriage and to build a new relationship, a stronger one based on communication and our enjoyment of each other as companions not just friends and what we then build on that going forward. But, yes, w is setting the speed.

Other than that its a lovely (if a little chilly in the shade) day, friend contacted me to say a friend of his (who he did a web site for) had sadly passed away so helped out by taking the site down off the server for him, shopping later for groceries and not sure this evening - maybe just a chill out after several busy ones or maybe a bath

Anyhoo back on with work.

Cheers all.

[rd500]

Hi Edz. Really sounding good for !Edz and his family Keep being the new improved Edz and W will most definitely be a fool if she doesn't come back to you.

Take care. Rd

[Dawn70]

Sounds like things are going well, edz. I am happy for you. I hope things continue to go your way. I am so impressed with the way you handle yourself now. You have certainly grown through all of this. Kind of a crappy way to learn lessons, but the end result seems to be a stronger edz, at least from the outside looking in.

[edz]

Well good morning all

its an overcast one here Im afraid but never mind.

Busy again (istnt it always) w has an appointment to see about her back today so went round to pick s up before work this morning. He had some breakfast but is very tired today after a lot of physical activity yesterday so he's having a snooze before I settle him down for some maths.

So last night did the major shopping since the store cupboard had been run down and then picked up a network laser printer I found for £5 on Gumtree (it will cost many times that to get it fixed up with toner but its a project and I need something to help with s's work sheets)

W was out with "wow" friend and son down at the beach, they got back at 9 and w called me to ask can I pick s up this morning (instead of her dropping him off in rush hour) she's dropped him round a few times so no worries, I'd be up anyway. We had a good chat on the phone - nothing really r related, maybe periphery - she was tired but we were joking with each other, she said she was heading for bed several times and I said no problem sleep well and I'll see you tomorrow but she wanted to stay on the call. It was nice to chat with her before bed.

This morning I knew she was nervous about today so offered my hand to hold and was pulled into a hug she has an invite to come around here afterwards if she's feeling a bit ugh or needs someone to keep an eye on her or help, she also knows no issues if she just goes home - I'll look after s and sort his meals until she picks him up again.

So that's today, another call heavy one think I'll skip taking s swimming as he's complaining of pains in his legs (think he strained muscles doing parcour) home made burgers for tea I think depending on whether w is here (I also have some nice salmon in)

So thats Edz, keeping on keeping on...

PS. Toots thanks for the call out in your thread, you know that I trademarked that right? (is the royalty cheque in the post ) I do accept cheeeeeeesecake as payment (though its bad for the waistline )

Cheers all

[edz]

Hi rd and Dawn

Rd, trying my friend definitely trying. I think I now identify what were my issues, no not everything but the depression stopped me seeing what was happening to a large extent. No idea if I'll ever be "cured" of that but I can 'be' now which I think makes all the difference. We shall see

Dawn, isnt it though?! I've been through some interesting times including losing my mother when I was in my twenties (she was in her 40s) but this last 9 months (are the t-shirts still in the post Toots?) have been the worst/most trying/ground changing I've been through. Ultimately I'm coming out this end as a much lighter (physically and mentally burdened) person with a better view of whats important, a working loving relationship with my son and - I hope - a chance at putting together a relationship with my wife which will stay solid (no expectations still there for my own sake).

As I said I now (with the curse/gift of time) recognise that things could not have carried on with the three of us being unhappy in our own worlds, this time in my life has changed that and I hope can lead to us still being together in a format we can all be ourselves and happy if not then at least I will have learned new tools and a bit more about who I am and what I want going forwards.

Im not giving up any time soon though.

I have also, of course, met all you good people, something that has made all the difference in the darkest hours

Cheers guys

Edz

[edz]

Well this afternoon the weather switched to glorious sunshine.

W had her hospital appointment and took me up on my offer, she had Wow friend drop her here after popping by the flat to feed wft and is presently getting some rest while s plays on a game console and I finish work.

Whilst 9 months of learning "no expectations" is now running through me like the seaside rock V and I discussed several threads ago, the fact she chose to come to the house and is comfortable enough doing so to sleep (and no, I have zero expectations she'll stay tonight) are making that a tricky proposition but one that I'm doing my best to balance against hope!

It really is a nice day so far

[rd500]

Edz. Hope is fine and your sitch is hopeful. Just dont expect anything from W at this stage. She can see Edz is the real deal but now she has a lot to think about. You are dealing with this like a pro. Edz , you have your son back and you are now the father he deserves. W can see this and she wants the same connection with Edz. Everything has a timeline and that's the hard part. W has to be 100% into reconciliation and she's getting there.

Edz. Your an example to us all. You looked to yourself and made the improvements to make Edz , new Edz. You have become a man only a fool would leave and you continue to improve.

Well done buddy , you should be proud of yourself. Take care. Rd

[Sotto]

Hi Edz, glad to hear your W is back from hospital and resting. Hope all went well for her. As you say, you would never have dreamed that your W may want to come to yours and sleep - even a couple of months ago. So your sitch has taken huge steps forward in terms of trust, opening up and connection.

I do think the main challenge is probably patience, and just making sure you don't backslide because you can't help giving things a little push. I think you're doing well on this front, and I'm sure it isn't easy...

Hope your W is all better soon. And thanks for your comments about BAWFT. I'm looking forward to having her here, now it's confirmed. I'm not sure what day I'll collect her next week (due to a possible interview...) but I'll keep you posted. Keep up the great work!!

Edit - Start a new thread soon - Cadet

[edz]

Thanks all

Thanks cadet we're about to lock for this evenings update please hop over to part 19