I Want You

[rob123]

I'm glad you are having a good day. Be careful that your thoughts do not swing too far to the other side. It's often difficult to stay balanced in how we see things. It is good to see your part, just don't try to take it all. This is what I mean, look at the following statement:

Why get upset when my W would check out from wanting to do anything with our family?

Maybe b/c she left you with two babies and was gone for five months?

It's fine not to wait for her to join in the family activities, but don't get carried away here.

I totally get what you are saying, thanks Sandi! I have had such a wide range of emotions (like everyone else when the first are put in a sitch like ours) that it is sometimes difficult to understand exactly what is real and what is imagined?

I realize that both parties bring equal parts to relationships. I just want to ensure that I work on myself. While I could vilify her and make her out to be the bad one, doing that only brings pain and makes me really get too upset. I mean, I get mad enough thinking about the things I did along the way, but when I think about the things she did, it just hurts me more and more.

My W works late tomorrow night and has to work Sunday, so my W suggested that we should go to visit my parents and go to a local carnival/festival there. I am going to do that. I, at first, thought about the worst case scenarios. Maybe she is just setting it up so I am not at the house this weekend? Other needless mind-reading tricks. She then told me that she had a hair appointment (which I know she does) that she didn't want to miss on Saturday or she would go with me. A co-worker asked her to pick up his shift on Sunday and she messaged me that if we wanted to go, she would take it, but if we stayed home she would not.

I then saw it for what it is. An opportunity to catch up with my family who I have been neglecting for almost a month (due to embarrassment, fear, worry about my situation that they do not know about, whatever else you want to throw in here) and an opportunity for me and my children to have a good weekend away from the W.

My W has been texting me much more frequently today and yesterday while at work. The kind of message she used to send. I always take a deep breath and count to 10 before doing anything and ask myself would responding to this message push her further away or bring us closer. Many times, I just send back a cordial but short response. I don't go overboard and I don't reply to every message.

It is definitely a difficult spot to be in. It seems like we are connecting more and more. I just don't want to allow us to ever get back into this position again. I don't want to make the road paved home that is slopping towards the front door so much that we don't work on improving our R. Focus on building a new M.

I'll check in later and let you all know if anything changed. Onward and upward!