There is no 2 ways around it: your kids are at a tough age, single or not. So know that you're not alone, and you do have the wisdom.
The only thing I'd add here is that screaming is not acceptable. In fact, if you have to only have one consistent thing to latch on to, it would be to tell her calmly that you will not tolerate being screamed at, and that she is welcome to talk to you when she calms down. It's not OK to rage on another. I know you said she escalates, but maybe you can work a plan with her C so that there are consequences for not following the "rules"?
What does their C have to say about helping with the chores?
I know how I did it, and perhaps it will help spark some sort of idea for you? I let my now D21 know that we'd do something fun on the weekend, but only if we could both cooperate in getting chores done during the week. I only had to cancel our outing once before she believed me that I'd deny it to everyone if she didn't cooperate. I can still see her crying in my back seat - with 2 friends - after she was told we weren't going to dinner and some where fun (can't remember). So we went home and I made grilled cheese instead. It was awful, and she pitched a horrid fit in front of her friends, but I was adamant about being the boss.
The stakes get higher when they get older, so it really helped her understand that I enforced consequences that were promised. Just ask her about her 18th birthday...
Anyway, you *can* do it. It's really hard right now, and I just want to tell you that it gets better. I swear.
Hugs, Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
