Just thinking aloud here, I know when my W went full on Monster it was rough, in the early phases I was not a member here, I did not know how to handle it other than to meet her Monster head on with my Monster, I had a big scary one and we would have some epic battles. I know that is not what you are doing ... however as much as us LBS's just put on the spew jacket and wait out the storm ... there does come a point when you have grown (As you have) and you start realizing 'this has nothing to do with me' (As you have) The next step ... and this will help you later, is to start setting up a boundary in this area. With my wife, she would start ramping up, I would calmly tell her I will not be treated nor spoke to this way any longer and I would calmly end the conversation by either leaving .. or saying goodbye and hanging up. Sure at first its rough, no joke I had 18 TM and 10 ignored calls one day ... but like a teenager sometimes you need to be the 'parent' ... they will test you. Looking back this was huge in my turn around, I started feeling more self esteem and self worth and though her and I have not spoken about this just yet ... I felt her actually respecting me more... again .. all slow and gradual and is to the point when a little monster starts up all it takes is a hand gesture and she stops.
Not saying put this in your arsenal now, but give it some thought ... like the DB principles .. do what works ... and ^^^^ worked for me in more ways than one.
