hey purehrt. so lately hes been spending more time with us/me. today he took us out to dinner, which we havent in 3 plus months. we always just eat at the our restaurant. but he doesnt stay at night. hes communicating more. hes still not transparent. so that worries me a little...
One of the biggest regrets I have is that I didn't stand firm on the transparency requirement. He suggested it. I was thrilled. It didn't materialize at all. I brought it up to silence. It may be different for you but for me it wasn't just about knowing what he was up to it was about his comfort in letting me in. Hard to explain but as time passed it became a wedge, a trust issue and later lack of transparency gave H an inappropriate outlet and escape. The more he hid the less I trusted and more I resented. The less I trusted and resented the more he withdrew and hid.
Now, reading all the posts I know that for my it was a boundary I should have upheld.
Regarding the physical... Sigh. This is hard. I know I try to fool myself into thinking having sex with my H doesn't stop me from detaching. It does. It is my last frontier and one I happen to love. Is it the same for you?
I am realizing that in order for me to truly detach and my H to feel that no sex is a huge 180 for me. Would it be something your H wld see as a 180 from you? Also, as hard as it is to do (refrain from sex) if it is stopping the detach is it healthy for you? (For me )
And as was stated above...health has to be factored in. You don't really know where H 'has been or is with' and you need to keep that risk out of your life.
I need to post my own words on my fridge! To keep me on track!! Lol
Cheers, PureHrt 18 years married, 22 years together Separated since Jan (2nd time in 3 years) 1 child
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