Depress I completely understand! It's a link. A communication and it's worrisome if we give that up. I worry it means we lies another bond and one that would help bring H home!!! Plus I miss it - the physical.
That said, everything I've read here says don't do it! I don't have any suggestions on how to stay strong on that as I am struggling myself. I reach out in that way because I feel like I at least get response.
Is your H approaching you?
Cheers, PureHrt 18 years married, 22 years together Separated since Jan (2nd time in 3 years) 1 child
Hi lost. I have started taking the kids to the park. Warmer weather. It's helping by working amd getting my mind off of snooping calling and all of that. Things are a little bit better but still need more work. Is it wrong to want to have sex with him or have sex with him... I'm thinking not but I feel like of we have sex he'll start getting more attached to me. He'll see that our making love is real and not some fantasy. What you think. Even tho I know your answer.
The problem is two or three fold. Men and women view sex in different ways, so although you may feel closer he may not. Also if he is sleeping with someone else then you risk getting a disease. Have you or he gotten tested?
Hi lost. I have started taking the kids to the park. Warmer weather. It's helping by working amd getting my mind off of snooping calling and all of that. Things are a little bit better but still need more work. Is it wrong to want to have sex with him or have sex with him... I'm thinking not but I feel like of we have sex he'll start getting more attached to me. He'll see that our making love is real and not some fantasy. What you think. Even tho I know your answer.
The problem is two or three fold. Men and women view sex in different ways, so although you may feel closer he may not. Also if he is sleeping with someone else then you risk getting a disease. Have you or he gotten tested?
Can you have sex and stay detached?
Depends on the women. Some women are as detached as the men you are talking about. Or it's a transactional thing. So it depends.
I don't know depress but my guess would be no. This is a tough question, and really only one that you can answer. I would not try to use sex as a means to get closer to your H, at least not at this point. I'm sure there are many others that can help more than me at this point, it's been close to 2 years and he's been living in our house for the last 6 months.
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
hey purehrt. so lately hes been spending more time with us/me. today he took us out to dinner, which we havent in 3 plus months. we always just eat at the our restaurant. but he doesnt stay at night. hes communicating more. hes still not transparent. so that worries me a little...
Me 34 H 33 Married 2006 S5 D2 BD Jan 2015 EA/PA He moved out 2/2/2015 Came back 5/2015 Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
HI CADET!!!! we havent had sex yet. but we came close yesterday, but your right about the disease part. and we have talked about him getting tested before coming home and we sleeping together. i cant have sex and be detached from him. so hard. but instead of having sex, we sat down, he drank coffee and we just talked and hugged. no kissing or sex. just heart to heart talks and holding hands and talking.
Me 34 H 33 Married 2006 S5 D2 BD Jan 2015 EA/PA He moved out 2/2/2015 Came back 5/2015 Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
hey purehrt. so lately hes been spending more time with us/me. today he took us out to dinner, which we havent in 3 plus months. we always just eat at the our restaurant. but he doesnt stay at night. hes communicating more. hes still not transparent. so that worries me a little...
One of the biggest regrets I have is that I didn't stand firm on the transparency requirement. He suggested it. I was thrilled. It didn't materialize at all. I brought it up to silence. It may be different for you but for me it wasn't just about knowing what he was up to it was about his comfort in letting me in. Hard to explain but as time passed it became a wedge, a trust issue and later lack of transparency gave H an inappropriate outlet and escape. The more he hid the less I trusted and more I resented. The less I trusted and resented the more he withdrew and hid.
Now, reading all the posts I know that for my it was a boundary I should have upheld.
Regarding the physical... Sigh. This is hard. I know I try to fool myself into thinking having sex with my H doesn't stop me from detaching. It does. It is my last frontier and one I happen to love. Is it the same for you?
I am realizing that in order for me to truly detach and my H to feel that no sex is a huge 180 for me. Would it be something your H wld see as a 180 from you? Also, as hard as it is to do (refrain from sex) if it is stopping the detach is it healthy for you? (For me )
And as was stated above...health has to be factored in. You don't really know where H 'has been or is with' and you need to keep that risk out of your life.
I need to post my own words on my fridge! To keep me on track!! Lol
Cheers, PureHrt 18 years married, 22 years together Separated since Jan (2nd time in 3 years) 1 child
im kinda not pushing the transparency yet is because hes not staying at home. once he moves back fully, then i will make sure he is transparent. as for the sex. yes i fall in love with him alll over again. and thats what i think will happen to him. lol but i can be wrong, at the end of the day hes a guy and you know guys love sex. but he falls easily, so thats why i always think if we make "love" hell fall back in love with me. lol. well we havent had sex in 3 months since he left in feb. january was the last time we had sex.
Me 34 H 33 Married 2006 S5 D2 BD Jan 2015 EA/PA He moved out 2/2/2015 Came back 5/2015 Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
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