Mirage, I do understand what you are saying. My STBXW is free to make whatever choices she wants whether I "like" them or not. I actually expect her to make mostly ones that make me say "WTF?". But when those choices have the devastating consequences some of those choices have already had on my D15, THAT isn't just a choice I can ignore. Isn't it my job as a father to protect her from those things that can cause her the most harm? Even if that harm is from her mother?
I feel like I should be doing everything I can like go to court and try and get custody. But that could very well backfire and cause my D even more harm in the long run. When my 15 year old D told me that the way her mother acted out hurt her so badly she thought dying would be better I realized that my W's antics, as hurtful as they were to me, were even harder on her and her sister. I knew they were suffering, that they were as confused as I was, I just didn't know how bad it was. I was too focused on my own pain, my own problems. The failure of the business start-up, the lack of money, the lawyers, the IRS. I should have seen just how bad it was for her. I should have done more to help her and her sister. I shouldn't have tried so hard to "save" my M and instead focused on the more important things like making sure my D's were dealing with things in as healthy a way as they could.
The movie of my life has taken some weird turns. Things I have lost over the years, plot twists that I never saw coming, every time I was able to make it through, even turn what looked like something bad into something better than before. Now I feel like I'm living my worst nightmare. Until b-day my D15 was one of the most loving, together kids around. She had lots of friends but only a select few "close" ones. She was loved by her teachers and the parents of her friends. All it took to change all that was having a mother who is deep in MLC.
My W may have decided to throw away what should have been the best parts of her life. She may have been "destined" to be where she's at because of her sucky childhood. Anyone looking in from outside of her life may see it as tragic, a waste. What would truly be tragic would be to allow her to destroy her D's lives, my life as well. That can't be allowed to happen. Her MLC has proven to me that one person can destroy a M all on their own. I have to find a way to make sure that one parent can't destroy the soul of a child all on their own. That having one parent who truly cares about her can be enough to keep her from also wasting her life. Being 15 isn't easy under the best of circumstances. I need to find a way to make sure she knows that she is loved, wanted and that she matters while at the same time try and rebuild my own life as well. Hard stuff for sure but something I just can't fail at!
