*Back on track. I've re-read all of your messages and I can't tell you how appreciative I am. I went to AA yesterday- and got a lot of support from strangers there as well- Day 3 Sober I apologized to my father in law, and he accepted it very graciously. I also apologized to my wife. We spoke for about 5 minutes and have had no contact since.
Even after my fall off the DB (and sobriety) wagon this weekend she says she wants to see if we can be healthy together. That's huge-it took over two months to get that instead of 'definite divorce', and my actions this weekend could have sabotaged that. I suppose my only problem is my reaction to how she wants to do this- still separated, still blaming me for everything, no acknowledgement of her own actions, colder, more distant than ever, with next to no contact.
At worst: She doesn't really want this but is saying she does. Could be many reasons - She IS in an A, didn't like how independently I was moving on in LRT, doesn't want the guilt of walking away so is trying to passively frustrate me to leaving, wants to punish me, etc.
At best: She is sincere, and I just have to accept that she has certain limitations right now.
My gut says to jump right back into LRT with no talk of future and even act like I'm moving on, but I truly don't want to throw away the progress. MWD doesn't go into 'piecing' too much in her books, so I think I'm going to do a lot of thinking, reading on this board, and really consider my next move carefully before I do anything.
I apologized to my father in law, and he accepted it very graciously. I also apologized to my wife. We spoke for about 5 minutes and have had no contact since. 