Just posted something on Parker's thread I'd like you to check out as well. Make me think about the difference between changing behavior vs changing outlook, and seemed relevant to your last paragraph. Also I think we're all wired kinda similarly so it might be applicable.
Beyond that, I can tell you I've had these same thoughts. So many people just rebound, medicate, etc. Why are we doing all of this? I've got a few answers.
1. It will increase our chances of reconciliation or a better M in the future.
2. You will live knowing you've done the best job you can to be the best man you can be.
3. (often overlooked) Just because other people rebound, medicate, and end up married...doesn't mean they achieve serenity. NO ONE KNOWS whether an M is happy or not except for the people in it. Even if they tell you they're happy, that's not a sign. Remember how many WAS's insist they love their partner and were happy a week before they BD? That's because no one is more convincing then someone trying to convince themselves.
I've got a hell of a lot on my mind and my posts are already too long...I'm still organizing my thoughts...but it has to do with my discovery of how deep my expectations that a M was supposed to make me happy ran. But some things have come together that have really shown me this experience has been NECESSARY for ME to have a shot at a happy future. I'll keep marinating this and will hopefully be able to express is soon. Just know the work is worth it. And in some ways I'm JUST NOW starting some of the real work. After 10 months of daily reflection (which followed a life of introspection).
Oh, there's one more reason I left out to do the work...to keep love and commitment alive. Sometimes I get discouraged by how superficial marriages are that so many people walk away. Like are love, bonds, family, and commitment so disposable they can't withstand a few bad years or character flaws?
But then I say...what if I DO work through this and save my M? Then maybe love, bonds, family, and commitment are not only not disposable, they may actually be strong enough to last through abuse, separation, adultery, alcoholism, porn addiction, divorce, suicide attempts, and the tremendous pain caused on both sides. THAT would be a pretty cool love to have.
It's being tested. I can't control WAW's half. But I'd like to live in a world where that type of love and commitment exists. So I guess I'll do my part and feel good about it.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
