I'll just say that I can both sympathize and empathize.
Everything I've heard and read about BPDS says you should run hard and never look back, but I truly understand the dilemma. Being a caring, upstanding man can be a very, very difficult task. You are fortunate in that she isn't fighting you over the kids. That's the only important stuff left to sort out.
As for OM, you know he's a worm not worthy of your wisdom. Even your wife recognizes it. Look at it this way: if your wife doesn't turn herself around, what does he have? His future is your present, if only he were smart enough to see it. And if she doesn't turn herself around, you've only lost what isn't there anymore. Makes it easy at this point once the D starts - it truly is entirely up to her, and none of the pressure is from you. She just may not have the tools to do the task.
You sound good, as I knew you would. Do keep checking in.
