My First Break, Light Shines Yonder

[Pyrite]

Thanks Cadet.

I was sure that I could find a CURE - Nope didn't happen.
Our journey is not all that much different than our spouses, although we may be miles ahead of them.
Until we hit rock bottom, we wont do the work and change either, cause people dont change until the PAIN of changing is less than the PAIN of staying the same.

Superficially it would appear W is miles ahead of me! I know I shouldn't be daydreaming about HER life, but as I have commented before, it is entirely possible that she moves on from here without changing anything about herself and lives a full and happy life. Many people do just that. As there are also many people who take the mainstream path after D, even the LBS, and find a new R in which they are happy. i.e. Even when they dont consciously address the issues for which they are responsible and lead to the end of the M.

Sometimes they do address the issues in a manner by outwardly behaving differently, which they can do without ever coming to grips with the underlying cause. Sometimes they choose a partner which is better suited or at least better suited to conforming with their personality issues. Sometimes they are just lucky.

I'm not saying I want to be one of them, and I'm not saying that I even can be. The prevailing attitude of THOSE people seems to be that it was the S's fault and subsequent loss. Essentailly the were RIGHT. I do envy these people though. They seem to move on much easier than what I am.

I'm sure I have hit the bottom. And I have affected changes in my Rs with others already. I have sub-consciously done 180s all over the place, and I am GALing. I am not "changed" but I am changing. Being changed will I dont think ever be achieved and finished - all i can hope for is maintaining focus and keep changing. With this in mind, I would love for my W to be part of this. For the supportive environment for me, but most of all for my children. D4 is stressed out and no 4 year old should be in this position. i'm going to look into child psychologists ASAP.