Today went to Co-Dependency workshop & learned about Power of Positive Thinking & Affirmations. It was a really great workshop...just what I needed. Afterwards I had my IC & while in the waiting room heard I love song I had quoted to H before separation...ouch! Heartache returns & I'm fitting off tears in waiting room! I hate all this crying!!! I'm already an emotional person without going thru all of this!
IC was really good for me too! H & I met with this counselor once but he's done so he won't go back & I really liked her so I went myself today & she really helped me. When we met with her before since H was so reluctant to go I kept quiet about all of his actions but today I was able to freely tell her everything he has done & she definitely got an entirely different view then he gave her. He made it all about me being the problem, but today she was able to help me see how much I have really sacrificed far longer then our recent separation.
Do I still want my H back yes but it will take a lot of work especially from him cause he's lost all trust that I've ever had in him & I trusted him soooooooo much. We had a wonderful relationship. We shared so much, did so much together, but we gave each other our own space & didn't get jealous or suspicious. Now I don't know how I'll ever see him that way again! I don't know who he is or if he'll ever return.
The way I see it If I agree to go ahead with D proceedings then I'm just giving him what he wants & the OW too! If I stay & wait it out I may or may not get him back & I may or may not want him back but he'll always have to be in my life cause of the kids so what's the rush! I am planning on going dark tho, enough of him having his cake & eating it too! As therapist said today he knows he has me so it's a safety net & he can go off & have his separate life w/OW, then come back to me & the kids, & live at his parents away from all of us.
It will be a challenge going dark with the kids involved & him still recovering from surgery but I guess I'll just make myself scarce when he's around. I had been doing a 180 by sitting right next to him on the couch (one of the things he mentioned that we don't even sit next to each other anymore) but after pretty much confirming he's having a PA hell no am I sitting next to him! I don't even want to see him right now!
Feeling more confident...at least for now!
If anyone has any tips for going dark with kids & with a H that can't drive or take care of the kids (for the next 6wks at least) let me know...thanks!
M40 H38 M13 T15 D10, D8 & S5 (Special Needs) H refuses MC & wants Mediate D BD 3/2/15 & H left, EA 3/15/15, probly PA A Grateful Heart is a Magnet for Miracles! I have decided I will save our Marriage!
