Mozza, No one is questioning detachment. Bulldog is also M not a W. Bulldog is blatantly calling out that the current path will not work... "In your situation I don't buy the persuer distancer concept and line of thinking that by detaching your wife is more likely to pursue you. She's got her own agenda." He is reinforcing comments made early on about an A. The book is in the queue. Thank you for the suggestion.
Detaching WILL work....for you.
It prepares you either way this goes.
It's a "save your marriage" strategy in that it protects any remaining feelings, longings and/or wishes to reconcile with your wife if only just "for the kids" initially for as long as possible
It's a "save your sanity strategy" in that it frees you up to move along the process of moving on with your life.
River terminology - When you go paddling pretty often you come upon pot holes in the river bed. Distinct holes in the rock where sediment and pebbles got stuck and twirled around incessantly by the river current carving out a unique pot hole in the rock. You are like a rock stuck in a pot hole spinning around and around always moving but never getting anywhere. Most of those carving stones break down into nothing and disappear as sand; however, some pebbles get washed out and survive to carry on downstream. Be the pebble that breaks free. Take a journey down the river. Be the best person and father you can be and hopefully your wife wakes up, looks around her and realizes she never really stopped loving you. If not. Her loss. Your kids will be closer to you than to her because you can make them the most important part of your life whereas your wife will teach them that her "happiness" is paramount to them.
If, as you know I've always suspected, your wife IS in an affair. This actually becomes an easier process because AFFAIRS END. At that point she'll look around at her children and finally see their hurt and pain and then look at you, someone that loves her children so much and is such a great father that she can't help but have second thoughts. She loved you once and you have so much history together it just makes sense. However, the longer she waits the longer the line of single women she'll have to beat out for your attention.
Finally, I know Mark Manson has some followers on her but he was a 27 year old kid when he wrote that Models book. His most recent stuff has a title including the phrase "bang women like a rock star". This guy is a blogger. He's not an expert at anything except self proclaiming expertise and getting betrayed, divorced and desperately single guys to buy his self published pdf books. It's a cottage industry of "empowering" divorced men but I see it as the seedy underbelly of bashing, blaming and exploiting women. A victimhood trap many divorced men fall into. When I was a kid I "banged" plenty of women. I'm NOT proud of it. I don't brag about it and/or teach others how to do the same. I have repented for it. It's part of the reason my wife and I ended up where we did. That being said, you (all) ARE a man (men) and I respect your ability to discern what is good, bad, proper and helpful or not in your own life.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
Finally, I know Mark Manson has some followers on her but he was a 27 year old kid when he wrote that Models book. His most recent stuff has a title including the phrase "bang women like a rock star". This guy is a blogger. He's not an expert at anything except self proclaiming expertise and getting betrayed, divorced and desperately single guys to buy his self published pdf books. It's a cottage industry of "empowering" divorced men but I see it as the seedy underbelly of bashing, blaming and exploiting women. A victimhood trap many divorced men fall into. When I was a kid I "banged" plenty of women. I'm NOT proud of it. I don't brag about it and/or teach others how to do the same. I have repented for it. It's part of the reason my wife and I ended up where we did. That being said, you (all) ARE a man (men) and I respect your ability to discern what is good, bad, proper and helpful or not in your own life.
I don't recognize Manson's approach in your description. The subtitle of the book is "Attract women through honesty" and is organized around the principles of honest living, honest action and honest communication. I'd be surprised if you read the book and came away thinking that he bashes women. He devotes a good deal of his book to getting your act together, learning who you are and approaching women with vulnerability. He explains in his book why he's in opposition to the "pick-up artist" industry that is closer to what you describe.
The purpose of learning to attract women is not necessarily to "bang a lot of women", but to heal the relationship that some men have to women. Some guys, Nice Guys especially, get into bad relationships and hang in there because they fear the prospect of finding someone else. They might even get into R knowing that it's not a very good match, but it's better than nothing. Months of psychoanalysis told me that compromising your desires leads to a lot of the problems that take men to these boards.
The part of the book that I recommended to mahhhty and many others is the first few chapters about attraction, neediness and vulnerability. It's in line with DB and NMMNG and everything else credible I read about self-awareness.
Anyway, if you want to debate the merit of Models, let's take it to my thread as I'd rather not further hijack mahhhty's.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
I'm no Mark Manson expert. But the writeup by Bulldog and Cadet definitely have merit. Thank you. That is good information.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
I'm so sorry to hijack but I have to say whenever I see GB then I think someone is referring to me. It makes me laugh though because I AM a Georgia Bulldog too:) Just had to comment.
Keep the focus on you and the kids. They are so young, so enjoy this time.
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 04/24/1512:57 AM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Hahaha... Me too! I knew people called you GB, but now there are two GBs and they are both Georgia Bulldogs!
Thanks GB. I am trying to do that as much as possible. Hijack whenever you would like!
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Hey Mahhhty, how's your back? Any big plans for the weekend?
Hi Mahhhty,
I've been wondering about you, too, my friend.
How's your back? What's new with you?
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Friday... The X picked up the kids in the AM. The exchange went well. I kept things light. There were some small jokes and chuckles. On her part things did seem slightly different. She actually came in the house, normally she stays near the door, but she came in, my D showed her somethings. She also was not in a hurry to leave, she sat on the floor and didn't jump up when I started to get the kids ready. It seemed different, but this is all mind reading or subjective, so take it with a grain of salt.
After she left, I left. I took a vacation day and paddled. Did 4 runs on a river. Then met my buddy for 2 runs on a different river, which were basically practice laps. For the race we did on Saturday. This was a legit race with 24 racers. I came in 14th my buddy came in 6th. It was such a cool experience. I had a great time and look forward to practicing and getting better to win that race next time! Then last night we partied a little.
Then we paddled again this AM and I got home about 6 pm. I AM BEAT! But the weekend was fantastic!
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
You're welcome, you've touched many of our lives in a positive way! We care about you.
It sounds like you had an interesting and good weekend. You must be exhausted. Just thinking about all that paddling makes me tired.
I do find it interesting that your X is acting a little different.
One day at a time, my good frend, one day at a time!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
