Mozza, No one is questioning detachment. Bulldog is also M not a W. Bulldog is blatantly calling out that the current path will not work... "In your situation I don't buy the persuer distancer concept and line of thinking that by detaching your wife is more likely to pursue you. She's got her own agenda." He is reinforcing comments made early on about an A. The book is in the queue. Thank you for the suggestion.
Detaching WILL work....for you.
It prepares you either way this goes.
It's a "save your marriage" strategy in that it protects any remaining feelings, longings and/or wishes to reconcile with your wife if only just "for the kids" initially for as long as possible
It's a "save your sanity strategy" in that it frees you up to move along the process of moving on with your life.
River terminology - When you go paddling pretty often you come upon pot holes in the river bed. Distinct holes in the rock where sediment and pebbles got stuck and twirled around incessantly by the river current carving out a unique pot hole in the rock. You are like a rock stuck in a pot hole spinning around and around always moving but never getting anywhere. Most of those carving stones break down into nothing and disappear as sand; however, some pebbles get washed out and survive to carry on downstream. Be the pebble that breaks free. Take a journey down the river. Be the best person and father you can be and hopefully your wife wakes up, looks around her and realizes she never really stopped loving you. If not. Her loss. Your kids will be closer to you than to her because you can make them the most important part of your life whereas your wife will teach them that her "happiness" is paramount to them.
If, as you know I've always suspected, your wife IS in an affair. This actually becomes an easier process because AFFAIRS END. At that point she'll look around at her children and finally see their hurt and pain and then look at you, someone that loves her children so much and is such a great father that she can't help but have second thoughts. She loved you once and you have so much history together it just makes sense. However, the longer she waits the longer the line of single women she'll have to beat out for your attention.
Finally, I know Mark Manson has some followers on her but he was a 27 year old kid when he wrote that Models book. His most recent stuff has a title including the phrase "bang women like a rock star". This guy is a blogger. He's not an expert at anything except self proclaiming expertise and getting betrayed, divorced and desperately single guys to buy his self published pdf books. It's a cottage industry of "empowering" divorced men but I see it as the seedy underbelly of bashing, blaming and exploiting women. A victimhood trap many divorced men fall into. When I was a kid I "banged" plenty of women. I'm NOT proud of it. I don't brag about it and/or teach others how to do the same. I have repented for it. It's part of the reason my wife and I ended up where we did. That being said, you (all) ARE a man (men) and I respect your ability to discern what is good, bad, proper and helpful or not in your own life.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
