Yep, it's sunnier this week. Proof? I just got a call from David's Bridal (I bought an evening gown for an event last fall), and was a little surprised to hear that I won a pampering package for the bride to be! I told the gal I'd like to defer to a real bride to be, because "been there, done that". She laughed.
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Something else I have to consider - both of my highly educated and accomplished sisters, married men who would traditionally be considered "go-getters" (one BIL is a general in the army, and the other holds a high position in the local healthcare industry) and they had the opportunity and chose to be SAHMs. Why did I choose such a different route and such a different partner? Something for me to chew on.
This is undoubtedly a very personal path, and everyone has their own opinions on this one. I think that we are largely influenced by our own experiences in one way or another, as well as the messages (outright or subliminal) of our own mothers. I was the product of a homemaker and a cop. My mom abandoned her career when she had my younger sister. She did so willingly, but not without a steep cost. We were poor as church mice, my dad worked 3 jobs and they did the best they could. I appreciate their sacrifices. My sister and I were both extremely influenced by her lack of means. My dad was never a control freak about money; it helped that she was frugal and made good choices.
My sister is extremely accomplished, also at a high price. She's at least happily married and married later in life, and her H has kids and grandkids. She's a great aunt to my girls, and my D21 has been like a surrogate to her (and her H). Oddly enough, her H had been married to women before her who put him down and who discouraged him getting a college degree. He accomplished that after he was married to my sister. She seeks her value by what she is paid. So she goes after and gets jobs that suck the life from her soul, and the joy from her heart. It's not her H. It's her.
I've kind of viewed a job as a necessity. I've always been resourceful, am educated and am gainfully employed. I've never wanted to rule the world or to take the world by storm. I know I'd like to be doing something else, but until I can find a buyer for my business (which is not on my radar right now), I'll have to wait a bit for the right conditions. It's not going to be a fire sale, you know? But I am the most content when I'm working on issues that are important to me. Because I have an intellectually disabled child, that's where I'd like to go. I have the perfect job in mind, and I'll find someone to pay me to do it when I'm ready to jump.
With the exception of when I left CA to move to CO, I've been employed since I was 15. Mr. Wonderful really wanted me to be a SAHM. But he understood (maybe not? ) that I wouldn't be happy staying at home. I'm glad I didn't, knowing now that we'd divorce and having a job would have been an issue anyway. With my family of origin dynamics, I understood that money=power. I was absolutely certain that I'd never be at the mercy of another person who was able to bring more $$ to the table. What really nailed that for me? When I moved here as a newlywed and was unemployed, we moved into a new house and I learned my way around Denver by driving around, forcing myself to get lost, and shopping along the way. Mind you, I'm not a big shopper. But he'd get home after work and say, "So how did you spend my money today?" It was my fault for not verbalizing that I was bothered/hurt by him saying that, but it just further made me feel the pull of power.
My late brother also married a gal who is industrious and who just does what she needs to do to bring an income to the table. She works hard at work and home, and I know he appreciated her talents for detail work. She's a good business person and has a good head on her shoulders. She grew up with a SAHM as well, and I'm pretty sure she feels the same pull as my sister and I do.
I'm interested in your musings there. FWIW, I always knew I would have never been able to be a military wife. I'm just too much... self centered? opinionated? driven? ... to give up a career. If I were a Walmart greeter or had the aspirations to work in retail, I'm sure I'd have felt differently. But I knew myself well enough that I couldn't settle for being underemployed or unemployed. That is, not getting paid for my work. Don't get me wrong, I think being a SAHM is TOUGH. I did it for 6 months when my D18 was a baby to deal with all her medical issues. And I did a really crappy job. I was unhappy and a little lost. My hat is off to those who do make that choice and who are good at it.
Anyway, I'm interested in your musings. I don't care if my guy doesn't have a college degree. He just has to be able to converse intelligently on topics, use proper grammar most of the time, and to be able to be his own man. I think that's fair.
One funny thing if you believe this sort of thing (I do). My sister and I have done past life regressions, and our previous lives were as different as they are now - in our most recent lives, she was a man in the military (she was in the Navy for 10 years in this lifetime), and I was an abandoned seamstress whose H left her without a means to support herself and their son. Go figure?
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
) that I wouldn't be happy staying at home. I'm glad I didn't, knowing now that we'd divorce and having a job would have been an issue anyway. With my family of origin dynamics, I understood that money=power. I was absolutely certain that I'd never be at the mercy of another person who was able to bring more $$ to the table. What really nailed that for me? When I moved here as a newlywed and was unemployed, we moved into a new house and I learned my way around Denver by driving around, forcing myself to get lost, and shopping along the way. Mind you, I'm not a big shopper. But he'd get home after work and say, "So how did you spend my money today?" It was my fault for not verbalizing that I was bothered/hurt by him saying that, but it just further made me feel the pull of power. 