Ok. So here's the full situation. She filed for divorce Saturday out of the blew. She had been saving up since January but never did anything. She lied to me about the affair and then told me today she wanted a divorce and filed. I asked her repeatedly about the affair. She asked why it was important, never admitting it. I told her because I'm not an idiot and deserve more respect than that. I felt I was owed at least that much to stop lying. She said fine and that they have been physical for a couple months including Sunday night. I asked if she loved him and she said she didn't know but knew she didn't love me and it was no longer fair to me. Agreed to mediate and do no fault divorce and 50/50 shared custody with the boys. Also said she wants to stay in the house until we sell it and then we both move on to new places. I told her that I can't control if she wants a divorce and that's not what I want. I also told her I don't want a fight and want to divorce well. However not sure what to do from here. 21 days from yesterday for me to respond and then I think 2 months until finalized. She made the decision to divorce and still wants to be with him. What's next? What can I do? Besides lawyer talk advice
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
I'm sorry rip. I don't know what advice I could offer. I have had a feeling my wife is saving up to do the same thing. I am going to get legal advice. As hard as it is, wait to do anything tonight. I'm sure wonka will have some good advice for you tomorrow. Listen to the vets here. I have heard a lot of them say, it's not over yet.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
Also. I've told her on two different conversations tonight that I want divorce well, not screw her and go through a mediator together vs a lawyer. She said that's what she wants too. It's really been the first open communication and conversation we've had since December when she first told me she wasn't in love with me. I want to stand strong and told her while she's living in the same house she has to come back every night. Won't explain that to the boys. She agreed. Really need help to balance taking a stand, gaining respect back but no pushing so far that she gets angry and no longer wants to mediate. Especially because she hired a lawyer without telling me because she was unsure how I would react and felt I would retaliate. Also trying to protect myself financially even though I still want not need too have this marriage in a direction of healing
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
What's part of the script? That's what I've been waiting for. As far as lrt and going dark I can do that, but what about the boys? Would doing things as a family ie getting dinner or going to movies counteract lrt?
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
LRT and dark are to protect YOU, their are other added benefits, and help towards detachment.
As far as your kids go, I would be the very best possible DAD that you can be, whatever that takes. Nothing would stop me from doing that no matter what anyone ever said or suggested. So YOU get to decide what that means. Being a DAD does not come with an instruction manual. So what does that look like to you? I mean sometimes you have to being easy going and other times you need tough love.
What will your relationship look like after divorce? This is the starting grounds of how that will take shape. I have seen all types of things happen and none are right or wrong. Your kids are YOUR family so do whatever is best for YOU!
Also as a suggestion, I think you are posting from your phone.
Try to hit carriage return every once in a while and put some spaces into your posts. They are difficult to read when they are all one big block of type.
Also if you can edit your signature up in "My Stuff" that would help, put your ages and kids ages, length of marriage, bomb drop date.
