New guy, I am so sorry. I can relate to so much of what you have said and how you feel about self righteousness, and all the rest. I haven't had time to get caught up on your search, but have you had any opportunity to sit down and tell heranything along the lines of what you just wrote? I mean, face-to-face. I know that the arm is about non-pursued at this stage, but it really looks as though you will be divorced. So what do you have to lose?I think you are right about how fighting that will push her away and cost you more than help you. Perhaps the only thing you could do at this point is planted seed of doubt for her. Through your actions, show her you are validating and recognizing and not trying to fix. Don't seek to change her or her mind, just let her see you. And let her hear you saywhat is in your heart.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
