Onwards and upwards.

[Barry]

Oh how quickly things change. This sort of thing has been constant since BD.

20 minutes after I made my last post, my stbx called me.
I knew it was going to be unpleasant, I'd only told her 24 hours previous that I didn't want to see or talk to her!

She was calling to say that my S13's school had been calling and texting her all day about arranging a meeting regarding his behaviour. She said that because I'm going to be his primary parent soon, would I arrange the meeting and go without her. She said she's tried everything to turn him around but he wont co-operate. Of course, he's my son and I will be the primary parent soon so I agreed to do that. I've had some success at this in the past with my eldest son who is now at University.

S13 was taken out of his mainstream school pre BD and has had problems for a while. He's now in a school full of all the little sh!ts though, which has made him even worse. I don't live with him and out of all the kids, he has the least to do with me. I call, I text, I make myself available and try to arrange to do nice things etc but he's not interested.

Anyway, I called the school and arranged the meeting. I then sent S13 a text (that he would recieve at the end of school as they don't allow mobile phones in the school) saying to him to not go straight out with his friends after school, that his Mum has asked me to take over now, and that I've been in touch with the school. I wanted to talk to him about it before the meeting.

I got a text full of abuse back from S13 at 16.00 saying that he didn't want me involved in any of it. This is because he knows I'm the tougher parent, I always have been. My stbx is so self absorbed at the moment too (that's not an opinion, it's a well known fact) that she now wants to wash her hands of what she sees as a problem child that she doesn't know what to do with.

Bearing in mind, I don't live with him at the moment, and whenever I ask him about how school is going, (of course) he says that everything is "fine". The school tells me nothing - stbx made a big song and dance about that months ago and insisted they only contact her because he was living with her, and of course, stbx tells me nothing either so although I knew he was in this "special" school, I didn't realise he was running riot and being abusive to the teachers!! We exchanged a few texts but his were all abusive.

I called stbx to ask her to make sure he didn't go out after school so I could talk to him. She said she couldn't stop him and started going off on one (she's actually crazy - I mean it). I bit back because I'm tired of her crap and she hung up on me. I called back and my D16 answers the phone screaming at me to "not shout at my Mum". I said goodbye and hung up.

I was still at work but was seething by this point so I left a little earlier than normal. I went to try and catch my S13 at home before he went out. As I was driving back, I get a text from stbx saying "I've managed to get him home". I texted back saying "Good, I'm 5 minutes away). When I get there, he's gone??

I asked stbx what happened and she said "well, I shouted at him so he stormed off". I asked her what she couldn't have just kept her mouth shut, she knew I was on my way and she's passed him to me now. Yep - we had another argument. I'm more angry at the fact that not even 24 hours after she gets it that I'm accepting the divorce, she's made it that I have to contact her again. Yes I appreciate it's about the kids but still.

I told her that I have enough going on already with trying to sort out the divorce I didn't want, raising tens of thosands of pounds that I don't have, and trying to get on with piecing my life back together. All I want is this over, her gone, and to get back home with my kids. I appreciate that my S13 has a lot going on too, I'm just trying to help him out of the mess he's in.

Anyway, I tried to find him as he kept rejecting my calls and wouldn't answer my texts. I found him in the end and asked him to come and some in the car with me, he was still really abusive and added into the conversation that he didn't want to live with me now (how it even got to that I don't know). He stormed off back to his mates so I left it there and went home.

I called stbx to say that I wanted her to talk to him when he got home, particularly about this "not living with me" business.
She said she wouldn't tell him that he COULDN'T live with her and that if he did decide to do that, the current offer would need to change and we'd need to sell the house, split the moneies etc.

I've been working really hard towards the goal of paying her off and getting back home with the boys and it's possible now that my S13's short term tantrum is going to cost me about £30,000 in equity and I could lose my house. My son is more important obviously. Those things are too though.

I did say to stbx that it was a bit of a cooincidence that this has all come about 4 days after I've filed. Yet another argument.

I went to bed early and feel back in limbo a bit again. I don't know what's going to happen. What really grinds my gears is that I've become a real supporter of the "only controlling myself because I can't influence others" ethos, yet somehow, it's fine for people to be able to influence the course of my life with their actions...how does that even work!!??