Focused on Me and My Son 2

[Sherman333]

1st let me apologize for all the typos... amazing what I don't catch when typing from my phone. Ugh.

A lot of this didn't come out until we were well on our way. She was pregnant with S7. Some didn't come out until our divorce process started. Her family still thinks I was the best thing that ever happened to her.

You cannot get a divorce fast enough.

Pretrial hearing isn't set until the end of September. Ugh. Lot's of time for "fun" things to occur.

Yeah with the first husband, she left her marriage by sleeping with her then boss too. Claims the boss took advantage of her... I know better. She signaled she was interested. She's always the victim in everything. She ended up getting laid off within the year of us getting together and I assisted her with going back to school.

Whole thing is a stupid sad story.

Did I mention that my therapist thinks she's a covert Narcissist based on our interactions (instead of the BPD)? Plus if you look at her Facebook page right now... she's soo into herself. I still think she's a touch bipolar as well. In one evening she went from livid, to sobbing, to livid, to dead calm in 30 minutes.

The tell tale signs to help you recognize a covert narcissist

• Emptiness, seems to have something missing that you can’t quite put your finger on
• Stubborn, rarely apologising unless they want something from you (see narcissistic supply)
• Ability to make you feel guilty, even when something is not your fault
• Entirely self centered; they are the center of their own universe
• Expert liars; charming, hypnotic, a master of manipulation
• Projecting their insecurities and defects onto you
• Very sensitive to constructive criticism
• Inability to form intimate relationships
• Inability to feel genuine remorse
• Blaming others for their problems
• Low emotional intelligence
• Highly materialistic
• Extreme lack of empathy
• Superficially charming
• A victim mentality.

I can give examples of all of these. This is the other side of the coin from BPD. The difference is the perception of self.

[Sherman333]

Another thing they do is shoot their husbands with the guns. Just sayin.

That's what safes are for.

I have 2 safes. A small one for the bedroom that's electronic and large one with a dial lock. On the electronic one, I changed the code (she was pissed) and after the guns were out, that's where I put my wallet, keys, etc. She couldn't be bothered to learn the dial lock code. So that part I wasn't too worried about.

I will say that when she was in the house sleeping in the basement, I'd wake up at the slightest noise. :P

[Vanilla]

So glad the UK isn't a gun culture.

It's knives and fists instead!

V

[Sherman333]

So today I'm down. With all the events over the last few weeks... I've backslide on working out every day (one of my 180s for me). I'm still maintaining my weight, but I don't have the energy lately to get up early or late at night and do it. I've been more focused on spending time with S7 (homework, dinner, etc.). I'm missing having the 2nd person to assist with everything.

Plus I've been waking up a lot at night... worry over what's to come and what can happen with S7. I hate I'm missing out on parts of his life when he's with his mom.

It's still effecting my work a bit too. They've been patient, but this has all been happening so quick. Luckily, who I report to just changed. I know have 1 layer between me and the guy I used to report to... I've been keeping them appraised of the big happenings so that they understand what's going on with me and why I'm off my game. The HR folks have been great. The new boss is understanding as well.

The former boss is obnoxious about some things and always has been - not a real people person. Even told me once in the midst of when this started that I need to learn to compartmentalize better. And when she stated she wanted to move out... his response was "I guess she wants no part of you..." Just insensitive all around. He's even suggesting that the malaise has to end sooner rather than later.

I'm hoping with STBXW out of the house, things will settle down to a new routine. I also need to clean up/put the house in order from her moving out. She left a MESS. Having the house cleaned up would be a huge lift. However, I still have some home improvement projects the lawyer told me to wait on until after the divorce as it would affect the home appraisal. So that's still a disruption too. 6 months of looking at 1/2 done projects... some of which she started... not fun.

Just a general UGH.

[Sherman333]

Ok... the next round has begun.

On the lawyer's advice, I rejected all her edits she made to the divorce decree. That if she finds it unacceptable, we'll have the judge assist us with sorting it out.

She texted that she's not asking for anything unreasable. It's unbelievable that I wouldn't accept her terms. Then we go to war over this? That she's budged all she can and is ready to ask for a lot more. That I should think about what I'm doing because it will not end well.

Then there's a threat that she's going to take S7. That she will be asking for child support. That I should watch how this plays out. That I'm constantly reminding her why she hates me so much, why she left me, and why I can't be trusted. That the effects will be long term.

[Wonka]

Sherman,

(((Hugs to you)))

Yep, this process isn't fun at all and can be emotionally draining having to stay on your toes with STBXW constantly....UGH!

She's upset that you're not rolling over and letting her walk all over you. Stick to your guns and follow your L's advice. He's your most important ally right now.

[rd500]

As wonka says , lawyer is king.could you ask her to only deal with your L I future , I have see. Others do it on here and it takes the daily arguing out of your life.

Stay strong , you are dealing with all this far better than I could have.

Take care. Rd

[Closer2]

The only and I mean ONLY upside to a STBX like Sherman's.... detaching is easy.

My STBX acts like my W 90% of the time. The other 10% I have no idea who she is.

[Sherman333]

The only and I mean ONLY upside to a STBX like Sherman's.... detaching is easy.

It hasn't been completely easy, but definitely abrupt.

But I really appreciate the the thought.

I picked S7 up early yesterday (I anticipated and early reprisal). Today is take your child to work day and I'll have him with me all day.

High on my list of things to do is to see what we can do about a temporary custody order to keep status quo until we get to the end of the 6 months. That would bring me a huge piece of mind.

[Sherman333]

So this weekend will be the 1st weekend that I won't see S7 until Sunday. The STBXW will be picking him up from latchkey and won't drop him off until 8:00 p.m. Sunday night.

Yes he's going because it can't really be stopped and to do so would be to blow up the situation even worse with no recourse. She's been playing super-mom. Long term neither myself nor my attorney thinks she'll be able to maintain the interactions. But I still have fears about him going and the 1st sign of issues things will be dealt with through the legal process.

This is the part the is the hardest so far. S7 and I have been buddies for a while. I feel like I'm going to miss out so much on things with him in this and this is what she's robbed me of... both for S7 and the Foster son I had to have moved to another home.

I do have plans for this weekend. I'm meeting a friend for a pot-luck tonight. I'm taking a quinoa & Black bean dish that's really good and mildly spicy (did I mention I was the cook of the house?). Tomorrow, I have a choice of meeting the same group for bowling or there's a BBQ cookoff in a town not to far away that I might check out. Sunday, I'm off to the in-laws house to pickup stuff I stashed there and an entertainment center. The goal is to get it setup before S7 gets home.

I also need to work on continuing to clean the mess the STBXW left when she moved out. She left piles of stuff all over the place when she went through things. She also took a lot of the cleaning supplies... so I have to replace them too.

As the week has unfolded, I've found that she's taken a lot of odd things that have just caused a bit of frustration here and there because I didn't know she'd taken it... went to use/get it and it's missing. Some of the items she never used (go figure), so the only reason I can come up with is spite.