New to this. Need support. Separated.

[PureHrt]

Hmmm. I was just asking how to find 180s that weren't fixing and codependent when you are in your initial stages and not seeing clearly. I get what a 180 is and I read the advice that they have to be for me. I've read all the links that were provided. I was looking for input to ensure I'm not in fact choosing them to perpetuate same old. My view is currently clouded and knowing that I'm looking for perspective. That and I was trying to do as suggested and post more. I thought the query of how to identify good 180s would be a good 180s topic discussion?

I don't think I'm approaching this board/forum correctly?

It may not me a good fit I guess. I might be misunderstanding but I realize where lots of my weaknesses are I'm looking for help in changing them and setting boundaries. If it was as simple as stop then no problem. It feels a bit like I have to be an expert to post. I know my posts are a bit more scattered than my usual communications but it's pretty tough to put all this out there as you guys know. I thought setting boundaries fell into the category of stopping and was trying to see if I'm on the right track. Looking for reinforcement . Going to the gym I did when he left last time and I still go. I am not an alcoholic. I don't text and email. I don't ask where is, what he's doing or who he is with. I started that because I felt God saying to handle it that way. I have not suggested counselling or other fixes to H. I don't involve myself in H's time with child and I have stated that he has to bring forward the options for the sale of our house not me as would be the typical happening. I shut down all social media so I wouldn't obsess or keep up-to-date with H's activities.

Each time H left it was after I pushed for honest communication/discussion and had conflict. I confronted on Affair and online addictions. I confronted H about his disrespect. All knowing it would bring conflict.

I want to change for the better AND set boundaries WITHOUT instigating conflict as I read that others DB'ing do and because I believe hubby expects conflict rather than simple stated boundaries without tears and emotion. Input as to the two I put forward to see if they were/are appropriate steps would reinforce the approach and give me confidence. Coming into this forum was a huge step towards refocus from fixing him to fixing me Getting practical situation specific approaches and feedback. I had been reading the posts before I registered and saw how approachable and relevant the interactions are. Maybe I am just really sensitive right now but it feels very different. I don't feel I have anything new or more confidence in DB'ing. I do feel at a very key point in my situation and am concerned that I won't handle it right.