On the brink #2

[Onguard]

In my case, depression was a huge factor. When it lifted I was able to engage life with full enthusiasm again. I was so happy that my depression had finally lifted that I genuinely lost interest in what my ww was doing. The key word here is genuine. I just totally lost the urge to win her back. I had begged, pleaded, pursued and used DB techniques as a "tactic" all to get her back. But finally my focus on winning her back shifted to enjoying my life and becoming the best man I could be. That is when things started to change with her.

My ability to be disciplined and measured about R comes from my genuine feeling that I am not sure what I want and I will be great with or without her. The strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and MEAN IT. It took almost a full year, and for my depression to lift, in order for my feelings to get to that point. You have all heard Starsky state that he got to the point in his situation where "He was done". Genuinely done. I believe that is one of the keys to saving our M's. We have to be willing to lose it in order to save it.

I have read Sandi2's 37 rules hundreds of times. But until recently executing those rules felt forced. I was doing them in hopes of winning her back. It hurt to do them. It was the opposite of what I really felt like doing. And I'm sure she could see right through me the whole time. For me, this is what it took to get here. I had to go through this time and process in order to get to the place I am in now. It sucked but I survived and I will be stronger because of it for the rest of my life. I believe in myself again. I know that I have a lot to offer and I deserve someone who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with them.

We will never know how strong we are until it is the only choice we have.