Alpha Step At A Time #5

[alpha99]

In my time on this board I have searched high and low for a sitch just like mine - and I haven't found one. Sure, other people have had sithces that have seemed far worse than mine, but in every case I come across where things have worked out there always seems to be, for whatever reason, some indecision on the part of the WAS, either they won't move out, they're confused over their feelings, they're financially dependent, they leave with OP but miss their children and come back eventually.

In my case W earns enough to get by herself, has the kids probably 60/40 with me, has already moved out of course, and has shown zero signs of indecision/regret etc as far as trying to work things out goes. I guess sometimes when someone says it's over they really do mean it. Her calls now focus either on child arrangements or thinly veiled excuses to complain about money and how I should be giving her some/more. She seems happy in her life. Maybe it's all a big front, who knows? Anyway, I have reached a point where I have reflected on what went on between us, not her A per se, but our time together in recent years. Yes, I loved her but we were in a rut. With no help from relatives to mind our kids, we were stuck in all the time with very few social outlets, with contrasting upbringings that lead to constant bickering.

Now, since we'd spent so long together I firmly believe that all our differences could have been sorted out if we had both agreed to work on things. I could forgive her A and slowly move on if she had wanted to. I think the A is definitely over with OM now but I think the disconnect it caused between us is something she struggles to get a grip on how it might ever be resolved. In other words, I think she feels our R was broke, the A sealed its fate, and now there's no way back. After all my ups and downs over the last few months, finally I can live with that. I feel so sorry for my children that they may not grow up with lovely family memories like I did, but I can't live my life banging my head against a wall or hanging around waiting for a miracle to happen. W has made it clear time after time it is over. Sure, there has been a softening in her attitude but that has purely coincided with what would seem to be her realisation that she really wouldn't be able to handle the children 24/7 on her own and they do actually need their father, and not in any way a softening because of a change in feelings.

Ontheup, that's great advice regarding my 'date' this evening. Maybe it's because I've been 'out of the game' for so long but I am unsure of her intentions. I will just take it as a night out with an attractive women and see what happens, but it does read like a date with it being just the two of us, doesn't it? She seems to have pursued me (meetup's version of a 'poke', then private message with gig invite, then texting, chatting at gig, texting 'would be nice to get to know you', then her asking if I wanted to go for a meal and to the cinema). Since this all came about through a site where people randomly meet up for social events I'm wary of reading too much into it. I'll just enjoy the evening and see what happens, and like I said, should it clearly be taking the form of a date I of course would feel obliged to very briefly (taking complex's advice into account) mention my sitch. Let's see what happens.