V, I believe I am getting the better end of the deal. The furniture, I will eventually want to replace for obvious reasons, but I'm too practical to worry about it right now.
It's been hard not to send the response I wanted. To tell him that yes, it is clearly my heart was full of contempt and hatred, our words and actions show that. I no longer feel sorry for you husband.
Today, I am feeling grateful that I no longer am having trouble sleeping. That the grief I feel is not for wanting him back anymore. I am feeling my joy and humor return a bit more each day, and I am really saying how emotionally beat down I was. I know that my posts here don't reflect a lot of joy or humor, but I am laughing more. One of my best girlfriends told me last night how nice it was to see me she had missed for so long finally returning, that it was actually conversation between her and the other girls how different I had become with my husband.
It didn't hurt it last night the cable guy came over, and his 20s, very cute, and before he left told me that he would like to come back and ask me out on a date some day. And my new friend that I'd given a lesson to, he seems to like me very much. He's been texting for no apparent reason. The world does not seem as bleak as I imagined, and Ira I am remembering who I am and how much I have to offer.
Now I just have to clean my house and start going after my life goals again. I didn't realize how completely depressed I was until a day ago when I felt just a little bit happy, randomly. I think it was first during separation last year that I felt a little bit of joy of living return. Husband came home soon after. And then I was all consumed in our relationship again.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
