Alpha Step At A Time #5

[alpha99]

Written yesterday but somehow not posted:

I bumped into W by chance whilst out and about this morning. She was cordial enough but it was like meeting an acquaintance you haven't seen in a while more than anything else. I felt little for her. Cleary she felt just as little for me. After parting ways she ended up walking on the opposite pavement in an embarrassed fashion whilst I met approaching relatives on the other side of the road.

Later in the day she called, mainly to complain about money. I said I won't be her on call bank. She made vague threats over child maintenance payments but we agreed over moving forward with house sale and a few other things. It seems we'll be able to get along well enough for the kids but amazingly I have virtually zero desire to work things out right now. I feel for my children but I am seeing W in a different light. The kind, caring person has been replaced by a selfish, manipulative, greedy person. I find her less attractive now.

During our call D was briefly mentioned. I'm at the point where that word doesnt strike fear into my heart anymore. As our sitch stands now it is the logical outcome. It's not that I've given up, it's just I've completely detached. I can't spend life hanging on for the wind to change direction when it seemingly never will. If months or years down the line she came back to the person she was and wanted to R, that's something I'd have to deal with then. It's not a given I'd want her back then. I may have moved on completely. I'm not holding out for that day anymore anyway. I plan to live my life the best I can, do my children proud, do new things, meet new people, and experience life in a new way for me.

All of that leads me to tomorrow. I am going out in the evening with my new friend. I guess just the two of us for a meal and cinema means it's a date right? I will play it by ear and casually drop in 'separated/kids' where appropriate if it has the air of a date.