Sorry man, I know how you feel. As you know I am supercompetitive, and if you read my last post you'll know I was in a halfway house for a while to get back on the grid. Well, the whole time I was there counselors were all over the place. Anything you did was a diagnosis. If you thought someone was overreacting you were "defensive". If you got irritated with something you had an "anger issue". Shoot, I wasn't even allowed to play chess with the others because I had a "gaming addiction".
It got to the spot where I was just like "sheesh, these people are the crazy ones!"
Then a funny thing happened. We had group therapy. I listened to everyone else's stories and was just like "wtf, these people are whacked". They would tell stories about their lives, and the counselors would call them on stuff, and they'd rationalize, twist and squirm, and avoid facing reality. I remember thinking they were all crazy, and none of them were accountable. One by one. No one would own their *&@$. They all had problems. None of them would admit it.
Then the counselor got to me and I thought he was crazy because he kept pushing and prodding, challenging, and I was like "dude, you're making a mountain out of a mole hill, I'm fine".
It finally hit me- maybe...just maybe...if everyone else in this room had problems and was dodging them...even though I *FELT* fine...maybe I was actually doing the same thing.
And thus I understood the power of group therapy.
Py, it's not all or nothing. It's not like you're horribly flawed, everything you do is wrong, everything you say is stupid, and everything you believe is backwards. Just 98% of it. KIDDING.
But whether you are 20% or 80% on the right track, you're not perfect. And it is WAY too soon for you to think you've got it solved. So when Bond or the others focus on nothing but flaws, you can defend yourself and explain that you're 75% on track or whatever...or you can listen and understand that they're trying to refocus you on the areas you're NOT.
Why don't they give you "props" for the distance you've already come? I had an employee once that was doing a failing job. I would have to terminate him if he didn't hit his sales goals. He made small improvements but was still short of target. I tried to give him "positive reinforcement" about his improvements, I didn't want to be harsh and not recognize where he'd gotten better. But guess what. 60 days later I had to terminate him. Looking back I really wish I'd said "I want to recognize your efforts as improvement, however they are short of target, and I cannot accept this performance because if I do today then I will accept terminating you in 60 days. I don't want to do that so I will tell you that while I appreciate your strives, I need X from you before you leave this week." At least then I would've done my part.
I know you're learning a lot. The fact that you're deliberating on your replies, not doing it reactively, are trying to steer your ship off of character, not burning bridges...those are great starts. But ultimately you want to save your M. That is the goal that matters. Until that happens you have to continue to learn and grow, and that requires humility.
PS- I love your participation in the boards. Keep posting, and relax. This is a marathon, you can't win today.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
